RAISING GOD'S KIDS

No Birthday, Christmas or Easter for you Young Man!!!

2011-11-16T08:15:00.000-08:00

On this day in 1952, in the Peanuts comic strip, Lucy first held a football for Charlie Brown. We all know how that story ends. Lucy tells Charlie Brown to trust her that she will hold the ball while he kicks it. Everytime he does and everytime she moves the ball. She never kept her promise.

There is severe foundational fallout when we break our word to our children. If you declare a consequence that you do not follow through on or make a promise you do not keep, you are laying the groundwork for them to have future disregard for God's promises and consequences. Consider how key believing in God's promises is to your peace and faith. How often do you not do something for fear of God's chastisement? Fear of consequences is what keeps our society civil. Without it there is a disregard for authority and a dismissal of personal responsibility for behavior.

We have to be careful that as parents we don't fall into the trap of making idle threats. In Numbers 30:2 we are warned that we must follow through with our words. Think before your speak out against a behavior. (Prov 29:20) Think about 2 things: Can I follow through with the consequence, and is the consequence proportional to the bad behavior. Natural logical consequences are also more educational than arbitrary ones. For instance, if incesant TV watching is preventing a child from getting their homework or chores done then logically no TV is the consequence, instead of no dessert for a week. Both could be productive, but one is more logically linked to the problem than the other.

The same holds true for making a promise. Don't promise something to appease your child in the moment that you are not prepared to follow through on. We mustn't train our children to disregard our words. This later becomes the foundation of distrust for God's promises and consequences.

Saying what we mean is basically teaching our children that what we say should be trustworthy. People should be able to count on our word. The first thought out of them should be, "If she said she will do it I can count on it." Modeling being an honorable person that keeps your word/promises is the first step to teaching your child that important value.

While going through the week, listen to your children as they interact with you and others. Look for opportunities to correct them if they are promising something they can't keep. While following through with any promise or consequence, be sure to remind them of the importance of being trustworthy, that they will always be able to count on you to do what you say and tell them the truth.

Brenda

Jesus the ultimate security blanket

2011-11-07T05:57:00.001-08:00

Today is Hug a Teddy Bear Day. Most of us had them growing up, some eqivelant of the 'blankie', 'bunny' or tattered 'bear, bear' (my granddaughter's). They brought us a sense of security and comfort when needed.

We all have those moments in our lives when we need to feel secure. We need to know that someone is with us when we feel all alone; that someone is there to comfort us when we are frightened or anxious about facing something new. We want someone there to comfort us when we are feeling down.

The good news is that we have someone like that in our lives 24-7. Remind your children, and yourself, that Jesus is there whenever we need him, wherever we are, in whatever situation we find ourselves. Matthew 28:20 is so reassuring to us all. "Be sure of this, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

He is the best security blanket ever.

Dictator to Diplomat....Which do you have?

2011-09-15T07:14:00.000-07:00

Do you have a child that tries to control you, their brothers and sisters, friends, and even strangers? You propably have a future leader on your hands. This will be an asset to them later but raising a budding leader can be a real challenge.

Your budding leader must learn to be able to follow. They have to learn to listen to the desires and needs of others, work cooperatively as a team, submit when it is called for, and to follow other people's agendas sometimes.

Think about the leaders in your life. (bosses for instance) Do you want an unyeilding dictator or do you appreciate those in charge who listen to your view and value your input before making the decisions that need to be made. Your little leader isn't going to naturally become diplomatic. You have to help them along.

If your young leader is showing signs of being argumentative, demanding, or angry, don't just ignore it. Take time to address these weaknesses. You want to appreciate your child's gifts, but recognize that with those gifts they have the responsibility to use them wisely and fairly.

In my house I had 4 children and, unfortunately for me, they were all young budding leaders. As a single mom, not only was I outnumbered 4 to 1, but I was constantly at battle to be the one who was actually in charge. Debate was a well oiled machine around our home. Everyone could speak up.

Important TIP! If I could give you one pearl of wisdom from all that I endured on this subject it would be this... Expect obedience 1st and discuss 2nd! In our home we would talk things into the ground. Sometimes they would be convincing and a compromise would be struck, sometimes I just demanded they obey. However, the time it would take to get to obedience would be unnecessarily long. Repeat after me. "Obey 1st and then we will talk about it."

My 4 still each turned into self starting go-getters, but in different degrees have struggled with respect for authority. Oh to rewind the clock...

Anyway, little leaders will offer you some added challenges but raised properly they can become a powerful force for our Lord. If you are interested in diving into this subject deeper, I recommend you check out this sight. I went to a conference workshop with the creator of this website and curriculum and found it very helpful.

http://kidlead.com/default.aspx

Pray each day that God will give you the strength and wisdom you need to stand toe to toe with your little dictator, um I mean budding leader, and help the Lord mold him or her into the man or woman He will use for great things.

You can survive! Hang in there.
Brenda

And the winner is....

2011-09-08T07:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the anniversary of the 1st Miss America Beauty contest. (Started in 1921) In the beginning the goal was to represent the highest ideals, a combination of beauty, grace, intelligence, talented and civic minded. Through the years many of the winners did go on to champion causes successfully using their title to be heard, but at what price?

Our girls (and guys) today are overwhelmed by body image issues. How unfortunate that as a flegling Christian nation we didn't focus, early on, on inward beauty only. The development of mind, soul and spirit came second to physical attraction.

Thousands of years before a young Jewish girl named Esther won her own beauty pageant. For her beauty and grace earned her the title of queen and an honored place in her husband's palace. Yet, when she was faced with a choice of losing all of it, including her life, in order to help save her people, Esther knew she had only on choice. She had to speak up, no matter what the consequences. Her courage and willingness to serve others saved God's people. Esther was more than just another queen, she was God's woman.

What a shame that as a people we don't promote these things rather than physical beauty. Wouldn't it be refreshing to see ladies regardless of body type or looks competing for who can be the most willing to serve and sacrifice for God and humanity? That is where the real beauty lies. Time is not kind to physical beauty and acculades fade, but those acts of sacrifice and service have an eternal timeline.

How do you overcome so great a bombardment of brainwashing physical idealism? You have to have regular conversations with your children (boys as well as girls) about what is of value to God.

Sit with them as they watch TV shows or movies. Follow out scenarios to the destined conclusion. Help your children spot the tactics media uses to influence them. For instance, commercials geared for men's products invariably have some women, dressed sexy, draped over a handsome man. What message are they trying to convey? If you buy my product you will have gorgeous women chasing you and you will be as popular as this man appears to be. It is all manipulation.

Help them develop a worldview where they can spot the agenda in TV shows, movies, billboards, commercials, etc. We have to give them ammunition in their own mind to defend against the messages they will receive and struggle to fight off.

You have to spend the time showing them what God values. Introduce them to the great men and women of the Bible. Help them see that beauty is insignificant. This can be especially hard for those children who are classified as beautiful and popular by their peers. It is an intoxicating distraction from soulful, spiritual growth.

I pray that you will all seek God daily as you interact with your children. You are their primary spiritual teacher. God will equip you with what you need each day. Blessings to you all.
Brenda

I'm Ready For My 2 Second Nose Shot

2011-08-30T08:03:00.000-07:00

How does the Bible begin? With God ruling. How does the Bible end? With God ruling. God is the main character of history- everything began and everything will end with him ruling. Francis Chan says it like this in his book Crazy Love- if you were a character in God’s movie you would be an extra and all we would see of you in the movie would be 2 seconds of your nose. God is the central character of history around whom everything and everyone else revolves and when we put ourselves in his position as ruler, when we believe that our own desires should take precedence over his, we are committing idolatry. AMEN

Idolatry occurs when we choose to replace God on the throne of our lives with anything else by putting our hope and faith in that thing instead of God. Or it can be as innocent as prefering time doing something else besides what you know God desires and requires of you.

If your child complains about doing anything that has to do with growing closer to God (ie, reading the Bible, prayer, devotion time, church, small group time) ask them what they would rather do instead. Help them take the value of what they want to do out to its natural conclusion. For instance if they would rather play video games, daydream about them being able to play as much as they want. What does this create? They don't exercise - run that out to its conclusion, they don't interact with humans, then there is what they miss out on when they missed the teaching moments from God. What would happen if they choose the God thing over the video game? Scenario that out. You could easily draw from your own experiences about times you have learned something by your willingness to obey God that had God's perfect outcome.

Kids learn better when they are not in the heat of the moment. Don't wait to have this talk in the middle of the "Get ready for church" argument Sunday morning. Come up with a time when, as a family, you can play a make believe game. Find a way to have fun with it.

I would love to hear from creative people how they may have played this out. We can share with each other and find fun creative ways to share God's truth with our children. You can just comment on the faceboook post or put something on here.

Pop in' to a good attitude

2011-08-29T06:22:00.000-07:00

Today in 1964 Mary Poppins began showing in American theaters. In that movie she is able to get the children to do unpleasant tasks by singing "A spoon full of sugar". She was basically helping them find a positive attitude when they didn't like something. Being negative about something only makes it feel worse and seem to drag on longer. What do you do when your kids grumble and complain. Help them find the silver lining angle and if there isn't one then read them this verse. God basically commands us to remain positive. He allows all things for our good. Make it a game. Each time an unpleasant situation arises find a positive angle. The first one to do it wins.

Phil 2:14 "Do everything without grumbling or arguing, :15 so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky,"

As a family look for moments in media when they see someone have a positive attitude. This also works in reverse. Children media is full of negative expressions by actors. Watch something together and talk about what they could do if they were in the same situation. Help them find a positive solution to it. Children are more receptive to new ideas when they are not in the heat of a difficult moment. These practice scenarios will come back to them.

As a family, watch the movie Pollyanna. It is a good clean movie that helps drive this point home and opens up the possiblity for further discussion.

Training our children in the way of the Word is a necessary deliberate act on our part. That doesn't mean we can't find fun ways to do it.
Enjoy your kids
Brenda

Local Gardeners Needed!

2011-08-04T07:09:00.000-07:00

http://youtu.be/xeTjQX94u4I
(Sorry it won't let me embed the video as an easy link)

Hello everyone,
This video is by an organization of people (EGM) that have committed their lives to helping children learn about the Lord around the world. They are the group that we are going to Romania to help.

This weekend we are starting back up our invitation to join Children's Ministries in sowing seeds in our children that will grow by the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit. With over 450 children each weekend and growing, we desperately need your help.

Please be part of sharing the wonder and love of Jesus with our children so they in turn can drop their seeds of faith on others some day.

We still need 74 volunteers to open all our classes. Thank you to the many that have already stepped up. You all will be blessed to have been part of these precious little one's journey with Jesus.

Brenda

Dive Dive Dive

2011-08-03T07:57:00.000-07:00

Surface with Courage,
On this day in 1958, the Nautilus became the first submarine to cross the North Pole underwater. Nothing above ground had any idea there was a large object right below. It's probably cool, however , to sail unseen beneath everything, and very few people even know you're there. But do you ever wonder what else might be lurking under us or around us?

In Ephesians 6:10-18 we are warned about the real but unseen world of spiritual warfare. Paul tells us in verse 12,"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."

Sounds daunting. Fortunately for us we have the protection. However, we have to actively participate. We have to prepare ourselves. Accept the gift of salvation, learn God's truth, behave in a righteous way, practice peace, be faithful, and call in the Holy Spirit to assist you. We are also told to pray and stay alert. We all know to some extent how much they put our military soldiers through when they get them ready to face the enemy. Why is it then that we don't prepare and take the spiritual war we are in seriously?

Parents, satan would love nothing more than for you to continue to fly under the radar and do nothing. Live out your every day life as if nothing is at stake and he will be thrilled. However, I challenge you to be aware and alert that his agenda is hard at work to steal the hearts and minds of your children. You are God's weapon on their behalf. Train your children on how to recognize and defend themselves against evil. Help them recognize that each day something is right their hoping to help them trip up. Remind them that God wins and they want to be standing beside Him when He does.

Sorry this is so heavy, but it is heavy on my heart as I see so many of our children in our church choosing evil or holy lives. However we can help you let me know. We are here to do battle right alongside of you, but we all know that the real Biblically called trainers of our children are the parents.

Blessings to you all,
Brenda

Count on Counting!

2011-08-01T08:46:00.000-07:00

On this day in 1790 the first U.S. Census was conducted. The population of the U.S. was only 4 million people back then. In 2000 it was 281 million. A considerable difference. It is no surprise that with all the people in the world our children can feel as though they don't matter or can't make a difference.

Many times if they had their way their days would be filled with fun and self indulgence. Training our children to be selfless and yielded to God's plan for their lives takes effort on our parts.

Perhaps it would help to start by reminding them how much thought and time God spends on them.

*Genesis 1:26 reminds us that God made us in His image. *Each one of us has been created by a purposeful God. In 1 Corinthians 12 he speaks of how we are made each with our own special talents and abilities. *In Deuteronomy 31:8 it says, "And the LORD, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.” That shows that God is intimately aware of and involved in your daily life. *Not to forget the best of all; how He sent Jesus to die for us.

Help your child discover their unique purpose in God's plan. Help them pray to God daily to ask Him what He would have them do today. Many times we set out with a plan without asking God's blessing on it. Train your children to yield their lives to Christ and not seek only their own desires.

Help them to see that they can make a difference. Find opportunities for them to share of themselves and their time to help others. Type in 'children volunteer opportunities and your city' in a search engine, and see what comes up. See if they can lend a hand at school or talk to ministries in your church to see how they can help.

Help them seek ways to make a difference.

Bless you all for parenting your children bravely for Christ in a challenging world.
Brenda

What is contained in your container?

2011-07-25T06:39:00.000-07:00

We missed out on celebrating the invention of the ice cream cone on Saturday. It was invented by Charles Menches in 1904. I think retroactive celebration is in order. Ice cream cones for everyone!

While you are eating one, talk to your children about what kind of containers they have heard of in the Bible. (Vessels, jars, baskets, urns etc.)Challenge them to find scripture of just one. The symbolism in the Bible of being molded by our Maker for His purpose and being used for service is a beautiful one. Conatainers are filled and wait for the time when what they are filled with is needed. Wouldn't be wonderful if we could remember this in our own life. To be that ready and willing at all times to be filled by the Holy Spirit, patient until the time we are called to be used, and then WILLING at any moment to be used by God.

As is always the case, this study adventure will lead to a different conversation for each of you. I would be excited to hear how it went. Have fun with it. Maybe this would be a fun time to make a vessel out of clay, playdough, paper mache. Enjoy learning about God's Word with your children. The memories you make will create a joy of learning about God in your children that will reap an eternity of benefits.

Travel to this link for a cheat sheet on containers and vessels used in the Bible. http://www.studylight.org/dic/hbd/view.cgi?number=T6398

More importantly is to help your child learn how to do a topic or word study on their own. My favorite online site for this is www.Biblegateway.com.

It is helpful for children to have a Bible that is written at their level and contains both the New and Old Testament in it. However, those Bibles often lack the good reference and study lists that a good adult study Bible has. If you have at least one great study Bible in the house, then the family can use it to seek out scripture references that your children can then use to read in their Bible. Help them practice using the concordance, and topic indexs and the internet to find scripture on specific topics or words.

Enthusiasum is contagious. If you enjoy your time in God's Word they will pick up on that. Blessings to you all.
Brenda

Hiking boots in a slippery world.

2011-07-20T06:50:00.000-07:00

"But test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good. 1 Thes 5:21

How do children develop a Christian Worldview? More than likely it will not come from church. Most churches are hard pressed to even find enough volunteers to serve in Children's ministries each year, much less scan them for the ability to teach a solid worldview. Most adults don't have a good bead themselves on where they should stand on issues today or even how to defend their faith. Even if each church in America had an army of well prepared volunteers, we only get about 1 and 1/2 hours a week with your child. In a world that will commit to bombarding your child with contrary input, this is not adequate time to defend against it.

No, the responsiblity must be firmly placed in the parent's hand. It is not as hard as it sounds. First thing you must do is be clear on what you believe and why. If you don't know why you practice some of the things you do, ask an elder or pastor at your church.

Second, be around when your child is exposed to media. Teach them to see what they are watching or listening to objectively. Children's programming is filled with manipulation and bad messages of body image and popularity. Discuss whether what is happening is realistic. Have them think through their own experiences with school and peers. Be sure to show them that they can defend the faith against the message they are being fed.

Talk about what motivation may be behind the commericial or TV program. Help them develop critical thinking skills. If they don't agree with you, challenge them to defend their position by finding backing for it in the Bible. Don't lord over them with your opinions. Let them develop their own loyalty to God and their worldview. As long as they have a Biblical defense for it that is sound. Be prepared to be schooled by your kids. God always teaches me something new through them.

Make talking through the emotional parts of their day a norm in your home. This is where the real battles can surface. If you say, "How was your day?", they say, "fine". If you say, "What did you do?" They say, "Nothing". Don't stop there. Ask them if anything out of the ordinary happened. What was their high and what was their low. Did someone say something that suprised or confused them. Dig a bit deeper and the issues of their heart will surface.

You can do this. It is one day at a time that they slip away, so be sure they have hiking boots to help them hold their ground in a slippery world.
Blessings
Brenda

Peace Baby

2011-07-20T06:30:00.001-07:00

On this day in 1940 Winston Churchill was the first to use the finger 'V' sign for victory. Since then it has morfed into the peace sign. Do you have true peace? Have you shared with your children what true peace is and how to have it? For me peace comes in KNOWING God is on my side, has my life organized for good, and will provide what I need when I need it. When I don't understand, that's ok. It is a need to know situation. The more us people know the more we screw things up. Trust that God deserves to be the Lord of your life and the peace that surpasses all understanding will settle into your very being. It will bring you internal rest. I promise. Help your children practice trust. Look for everyday opportunities to trust God to help them handle what they cannot control. Offer up a prayer of surrender and gratitude with them when they face a fear or unknown. Help them to debrief the outcomes after. Trust is a spiritual muscle. You have to use it for it to grow.

Inside Out or Outside In

2010-10-07T06:39:00.000-07:00

Hello Dear Families,
All parents long for their children to establish convictions that will carry them through tough times. Sometimes those convictions help them control their emotions. Other times, that internal foundation helps them do what’s right when others are tempting them to do wrong.

Responsibility, in part, is staying true to personal values even when no one is watching. Convictions are formed in the heart. When Jeremiah described the new covenant God will establish, he wrote that it will be different from the stone tablets of the old covenant. God said, “I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts” (Jeremiah 31:33).

One way to teach convictions to children is to use family rules. Rules are based on convictions. Rules are external prompters but convictions are internal prompters. The goal is to help children develop internal rules or convictions that will guide their behavior.

When you have discussions about rules, ask children if they can identify the convictions behind the rules. For example, one rule is that everyone comes to dinner whether they are hungry or not. Why? Because we have a conviction that meal times are social times, not just eating times.

Analyze rules with children to help identify the convictions behind the rules. This will helps kids to understand your values and even translate your convictions into new situations.

This parenting strategy comes from the video training program, Everyday Parents Can Raise Extraordinary Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

______________________________

Discussing the why behind the rules is a great way to help your child connect with the scriptures. Most of what we ask our children to do is grounded in God's Word. Before you have this conversation with your children, make a list of the rules and find their foundation in the Word. When you have the talk with the kids you will have what you need for the discussion. Transferring responsibility over to your child and making sure they know they are not only accountable to you but to God as well, will help them internalize obedience.

(By the way, when you do this you may discover a few stupid rules with no merit that you adopted from your environment growning up. This is a good time to chuck it and explain why to your kids. Being human to your kids is modeling our need for a Savior.)

Remember, whether they like it or not, you are called to be faithful to carrying out Godly parenting to the best of your ability. There will be times when you come up short or even fail, but God can work with that too.

Bless you all
Brenda

A Journey of Discipline

2010-08-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

Do what I say! How does that make you feel?
It has been an interesting journey working with other people's children over the last 20 years. I have seen first hand the ebb and flow of the latest trends in child rearing and the consequences they create. Not all the advice presented by "experts" is good advice. It has also been interesting to see how the parents are functioning as adults having grown up in some of these trends.

Most of the advice has to do with the level and type of discipline. Ahh the "D" word. What adult doesn't have some aspect of their life that they wish they were more disciplined at. I know I do. Discipline is a foundational sin hold out for all humans. It is not inherently, uniquely a child issue. So how do you create an adult that grows up to be a well rounded, disciplined, functioning member of society?

Good question. I'm not going to throw another theory at you. I will say that the Word of God is clear. You cannot avoid disciplining your child or doing the hard work to teach them to be obedient people. This is a difficult but critical responsibility every parent must accept. You are not called to be their friend. There may be times they even hate you. That's okay. It is not a popularity contest it is an obligation that God has placed squarely on your back.

I think it helps to explore what level of obedience God requires of us and to help them find their way to that standard. Are we suppose to question God's plan for our lives? No. Should your children argue or question your authority when you instruct them to carry something out? No. It is important to expect obedience first. Then if the need exists, spend time talking about the why and connecting it to God's expectations of us after. I am reminded of a time my son would not obey me. In frustration and near tears I asked him why he didn't just do what I said? His answer, "I knew you were going to ask me 5 more times before you really meant it so I waited". Wow, what an eye opener. The Bible says let your yes be yes and your no be no. Mean what you say the first time. Don't train them to not take you seriously.

I am a big talker when it comes to my children. Having gone through the divorce and seeing how emotionally and psychologically hurt my kids were, I spent countless hours talking with them and helping them work through their feelings. However, what that also created in our house was an environment where there was always time to talk and negotiate. Discipline and obedience opportunities were difficult to execute because I had trained them to talk about everything. If they didn't like something or understand the why of it, we all slipped into discussion mode. Now there is nothing wrong with the concept just the timing. I wish I could go back and change that one factor. Obedience first (and immediately) talking second. If you don't hear anything else, hear that. What a difference it would have made.

When children learn to obey they learn to give up their own agenda for someone else. They learn to listen to an instruction and follow through with it. They learn how to be responsible, check back, and complete a task. In short, when children learn obedience, they not only make family life easier but they also develop the character that will make them more valuable in the work place, the community, and the world. In fact, learning to obey parents teaches kids what they need in order to obey God. (Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller)

Isn't that what we all want for our children?

Take it one day at a time. God is your co-parent and will assist you all along the way through His Holy Spirit. Accept your limitations and allow God to help you lean on Him and grow in the process. He wastes nothing.

Blessings to you all.
Brenda

If It's Broke Fix it!

2010-08-10T07:12:00.000-07:00

Teaching Children to Look for Ways to Help

One of the parts of our honor definition is that we do more than what's expected. That means seeing what needs to be done and doing it. It means solving problems instead leaving them for others. One family had a sign in their kitchen that read:

If it’s broken, fix it.
If it’s empty, fill it up.
If it’s open, shut it.
If it’s out, put it away.
If it’s messy, clean it up.
If you can’t, then report it.
That’s honor.

Take time to teach children that they don't have to be asked in order to do a job. Honor means that we’re all contributing to family life. In fact, you may ask a child to go around the house and look for one job that needs to be done and do it, then report back to you.

These kinds of discussions and exercises will help children think outside of their little box and discover that they have a responsibility to the family. They can contribute to family life by just seeing something that needs to be done and doing it.

Of course, that's what makes a valuable employee too so you can teach your children something more important than just how to get along better in your family. You may be preparing them to be outstanding employees as they get older.

In addition, look for ways to discover the talents God gave each of your children. Help them find ways to use their loves and gifts to contribute or be kind to others. Perhaps you have a little one that likes to draw all day. Get the names of the seniors at a local nursery home and have your little one draw them pictures with a kind note jotted on it, like: God loves Mrs Smith.

Helping our children learn that they were placed here to contribute to God's perfect plan helps them not slip into the world's self absorbed agenda.

Enjoy your children this week.

Brenda

Some of this was borrowed from an article from "Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes In You and Your Kids" by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Because I said so!

2010-07-07T07:04:00.000-07:00

Hello dear families
I want to encourage you to parent intentionally. Life moves real fast these days and before you can blink your children are older and opportunities have passed you by. Helping children develop spiritually doesn't require a seminary degree or a teaching credential. The only requirement is to be observant and available and ready for teachable moments.

Watch for opportunities to connect what they are learning and feeling with God and His Holy Word. Spend some time thinking about your house rules. Why do they exist? What do you hope for your children to learn from them? Where did you get them? Taking things to the source and finding scripture to back them up helps children decide internally what their motivation is.

At some point obedience has to turn internal. It can't remain only because you say so. Connecting the 'what' they have to do to the 'why' they have to do it helps them develop their own values and self motivations. It puts disobedience squarely back into their lap and calls it sin. At some point this becomes a personal battle between them and the Lord and not defiance of you.

In doing this exercise you may discover you have rules that don't have any tangible purpose. If so, you need to decide where they came from and if they are of value. If not, lose them. We are all learning about ourselves as we raise our children. It is okay to refine yourself as you go.

Most of all, live out your life honestly before the Lord and your children. It is okay for them to see your need for a Savior, to see that you to sin and can ask for forgiveness. Just take the time to intentionally connect God's truth to your life and the lives of your children. They will sense that God is a real, living interactive part of your life. Routine and religious gestures fall short of really living out your life before them and your God.

Get real and get intentional.
Bless you all
Brenda

Break Time not Time Out

2010-06-17T06:09:00.000-07:00

Break Time not Time Out
As Parents it is our job to guide our children on how to handle their own emotions. One of the ways to do this is help them realize when they are out of control or unable to make good choices due to their emotions. Help them develop the habit of regrouping or taking a break. Help them with this by pointing out to them when they need to calm down and rethink the situation.

Allow the child to determine how much time they need to calm down. This is not a Time Out, or Punishment. This is a tool to help them manage themselves and their own sin nature more successfully. The focus needs to be on helping them realize that their current bad behavior is unproductive and destructive. They need to take ownership of their own self control and development.

Guiding them on the amount of time they take a break is directly connected to seeing how settled they are. Remind them that anger is something God tells us to deal with.
Ephesians 4:26
"In your anger do not sin" : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

It is their journey not yours. When you get angry, model the same behavior to them as well as using the same terminology. We are our children's best teachers.

Most importantly, enjoy every day with your children. They are a gift from God and a blessing.
Brenda

Connect Like Legos

2010-05-24T06:53:00.000-07:00

Connect Like Legos
Anyone who has ever tried to take a lego structure apart understands that they do one thing really well. They connect! Wouldn't it be great if our relationships with our children were that strong. No matter if it is for fun or coming in for a crash, our strong connections can get us through it all.

Connecting with a child is easier for some and harder for others. Parents and kids have different personalities,likes and dislikes. With some kids, connecting takes real creativity and persistence. Here are some ways to help you connect with your child's heart.

Talking. Children often like to hear stories from your own childhood. Don't feel like you have to tie a lesson into the story. Just tell it to them as if you were relating the details to a friend.
Listen to your kids. You have heard me say this before. Take an interest in their activities and their day. Once they start talking, draw them out with more questions.
Touching. A hug or a gentle hand on a should communicates warmth and love.
High-energy activities. Kids love excitement. Look for exciting activities to enjoy together.
Look for ways to share your child's interests.
give occasional special treats.
Find a task and work together as a team.
Offer genuine praise for a job will done.
Have fun with your kids. Be silly, tell jokes, or wrestle.
New times in a child's life set the stage to connect emotionally. Be there and available to share the moment.
Traumatic events provide opportunities to develop closeness. Remember that the most important thing isn't fixing the problem, it's restoring the heart.
Be sure to share how God fits into everything you do. Help them connect with God in a tangible way. Remind them of how good things come from Him and He is with us in times of trouble. Challenge yourself this week to find a scripture that connects with each suggestion above. When these opportunities come up, share the Word of God with your child to help them apply God's Word to their lives in a meaningful way. Deut 6:6-9.

Most important of all is to just enjoy your kids. Everyday will not be wondrous. There will be those days when your tired or fed up. We have to remember that even in the challenging days we can grow closer to our children. Be real. Kids can spot a hypocrite a mile away. They will not do what you say, they will do what they see you do. Make the effort and model connecting with each other. The return on your investment now will reap rewards for your children and all the lives they touch.

Have a blessed day.

Brenda

Some of the above suggestions came out of the book, Parenting is Heart Work by Dr, Scott Turansky. I have not read the book so I can't recommend it one way or the other. This was in part a parenting tip from 'biblicalparenting.org'.

Fast Food Spirituality

2010-05-12T07:56:00.000-07:00

Hello Families,

It has been interesting interacting with my mother as she needs more and more assistance with normal life. I think of how she parented me and taught me through words and modeling to be loving and selfless. I wonder about the children being raised today in a world that promotes self absorption. How will they respond to parents in need in their later years in life?

It is important to get your children involved with selfless acts as young as possible. We all know how it feels when we give of ourselves without expecting anything in return. The Lord provides us with a sense of love and purpose that far exceeds any tangible reward. Children void of these opportunities will steadily become more hardened to offering themselves as vessels of blessing from the Lord.

How old will your children be when you hit the age of needing their help? How willing do you think they will be to be there for you? Any of you taking care of aging parents now understand what this could entail. We want our children to contribute to society, the Lord, and their family with a willing and servant's heart. How do you foster this?

This has to happen twofold. First you must find opportunities for your child to serve others without tangible reward. God will take care of the reward and it will be internal and eternal. Contact the church and ask to speak to the pastor over the seniors. Perhaps there are those in our congregation that need their lawn cared for or trash taken out. Perhaps they just need a visit and an opportunity to be listened to or read too. Bring them cookies or offer to cook them a meal. Find a neighbor in your community that could use some help. Start them as young as possible so giving of themselves becomes automatic.

The second thing you need to do is delay gratification. We live in a world that has programed us to get what we want as quickly as possible (fast food, 4G phones, ebay, overnight delivery, etc.) Children these days hear the message over and over that they deserve what they want and as quickly as possible. One of the deadliest things for a child's journey with the Lord is to see Him more as a vending machine. Request something and expect it to be provided right away. Anyone who has been a Christian for very long knows that waiting on God's perfect timing can sometimes take awhile. Children who are use to getting what they want right away struggle with this aspect of spiritual development. They give up on a God who must not be real or doesn't care because they didn't get what they wanted right away from Him. Help them understand that our purpose on this earth is to serve not to be served.

This has already become a trend among adults. More and more people are walking away from the giving of their time volunteering in the church, because it impacts their personal wants or pursuits. They rob themselves of the higher reward of God's blessing and the spiritual maturity and growth that goes on as a result of serving and volunteering.

Deliberately set up opportunities regularly for your family to serve others. You will instill in yourself and them a habit of service that will help you all grow closer as a family and further God's purposes for your lives at the same time.

Remember, those kids will be taking care of you some day, or will they?
Food for thought.

Brenda

Fade to Black

2010-04-05T07:58:00.000-07:00

Hello Families,

The following is a song by Casting Crowns, called "Slow Fade". In my life this has been one of the foremost lessons I have given my children and reminded myself. Most of the time our descent away from God is so gradual that we wake up one day different people, not quit sure how we got here. Satan is crafty and will pull you and your children away from God one small step, one small compromise at a time. Read the lyrics of this song and assess your life. Most of this song talks about little feet, hands, eyes, etc, but is really speaking to us as adults with little ones watching our every move. The weight of our responsiblity is much greater now that we have not just ourselves to lose. Read each word and ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart. Make sure you remind your children that every day choices WILL move them either toward God or away from Him. Each decision counts. To guard their hearts. This is my prayer for you.

Casting Crowns

"Slow Fade"

Writer: Amy Sondova

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings

Be careful little feet where you go

For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away

It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray

Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid

When you give yourself away

People never crumble in a day

It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear

When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near

Be careful little lips what you say

For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away

It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray

Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid

When you give yourself away

People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands

Is shorter than you're thinking

Be careful if you think you stand

You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away

It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray

Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid

When you give yourself away

People never crumble in a day

Daddies never crumble in a day

Families never crumble in a day

(Sung by a child)

Oh be careful little eyes what see

Oh be careful little eyes what you see

For the Father up above is looking down in love

Oh be careful little eyes what you see

A Child or a Masterful Litagator?

2010-03-09T07:49:00.000-08:00

Obey First and Then We'll Talk About It

When parents give an instruction but children don't want to comply or it's not convenient for them, sometimes they need to learn to "obey first and then we'll talk about it." This emphasizes obedience.

If little Brian has pulled a chair over to the counter and is climbing onto it, you may say, "Brian, we don’t climb on chairs.""But I was just…""No, you need to get down. Obey first and then we'll talk about it." Once he gets down, discuss the problem and find a solution together."Karl, go get your pajamas on.""I don't want to go to bed.""No, obey first and then we'll talk about it."

To some parents this may sound like blind obedience. We've all heard stories about people who were led into cultish activity because they couldn't think for themselves. No parent wants a child to fall into a pattern of blindly following a leader's instructions, but evaluating instructions is an advanced skill. Many parents have gone too far in the other direction ending up with children who can't follow simple instructions without a dialogue.

Parents sometimes believe they have to talk their child into wanting to obey. Inadvertently, these parents teach their children that if you don't like a request then that's enough reason to resist it. These children make poor employees, develop selfish attitudes about following someone else's leadership, and have a difficult time in relationships because they haven't learned how to sacrifice their own agenda for others.

Talking is important but sometimes even we, as adults, must obey first and then understand later. God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son without fully understanding and then considered it faith for him to obey. Peter didn't know why he was to go to Cornelius' house but went anyway only to discover that God wanted to bring salvation to the Gentiles. Philip was asked to leave a revival in Samaria and go out into the wilderness, not knowing why, but when he got there he led an Ethiopian man to Christ.

Evaluating instructions is an advanced skill and will become important later on but children need to learn that sometimes we all must "obey first and then we'll talk about it.

"This parenting tip comes from the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

___________________________

I am guilty of the latter. I spent countless hours discussing matters with my children. What I created were well informed litigators. The wisdom of this parenting tip is one I would go back in time and heed. I still firmly believe that it is imperative to connect the why you do it to the what you do. Dialogue and pulling them into God's Word for truth is invaluable. However, the simple act of placing that second in the order of things is the key. Obedience is the cornerstone of ever Christian's relationship with God. Help them learn it early and not only will you have an easier teenager but a young adult with a clear understanding of boundaries, obedience and their role in their relationship to God, the church, and others.

This is one tip you should start today!

Blessings to you all.

Brenda

How Many Times Do I Have To Tell You??

2010-02-10T08:14:00.000-08:00

Understanding Attitudes and How To Change Them
"Attitude" is a shorthand term used to summarize many different feelings, thoughts, and behaviors all at the same time. Various triggers provoke attitudes and simply hearing a word or seeing a signal can change a person's perspective. All Mom has to do is say Derek?! with that certain voice, for instance, and Derek knows she is going to ask him to do something. He responds with a disgusted groan.

Victoria gets to school and sees a pink slip taped to her locker again. She doesn't even read it but rolls her eyes and moans, knowing that it's a call to the office. Triggers like these quickly move people into attitudes that in part determine how they’ll respond to a situation.

Attitudes actually have three components: behavior, emotion, and beliefs. Each of these components can be useful in the change process. The behavior is the flag that tells you there’s a problem. Emotion adds energy to the situation and helps to determine when’s the best time to address the issue, and the beliefs tell you what needs to be addressed on a heart level.

Many parents only focus on the first component, behavior, telling kids to "stop pouting," or "Don't roll your eyes at me." Furthermore, these parents tend to focus only on what not to do instead of what the child should do. It usually isn't helpful just to tell a child to "Stop having a bad attitude" without giving more guidance for developing a better response.

Remember that the goal of discipline is not just to make your children less annoying. As you correct your children for bad attitudes, you are preparing them for the future. After all, they will experience similar situations continually throughout their lives.

Look for ways to help your children think differently. Listening carefully to your child can help you identify thinking errors that lead to a bad attitude. What hidden belief might Jeremy, age ten, have? He complains and argues when you ask him to do the dishes? Maybe he believes, "Chores are an interruption to my life and not my responsibility." If pressed, he may also reveal a belief, "All work is hard and unpleasant, and I must try to avoid it." A positive attitude about work comes from several new values such as "Work is necessary in order to brings benefits to me and to others" and "My contribution to family life is a statement of gratefulness for what I have."

Changing attitudes requires exposure to new ways of thinking. You can provoke your children to more healthy attitudes through dialogue, modeling, and correction. But remember, heart change takes time. We can change behavior quickly, but heart change goes deeper and lasts longer.
Have you discovered ways to adjust attitudes in your children, or even in yourself? Share what works for you.

Excerpt from http://www.biblicalparenting.org/.

___________________________________________________________

Think about all the times you have been ignored in your feelings or misunderstood. You discover faulty thinking and training as an adult and wish someone had taught you the truth earlier. Still many others of you still have faulty thinking about some issues. Now is your child's time to set out on the right path with a clear understanding of correct attitudes and perspectives on the issues of life.

Take the time to observe and respond to your child's behaviors instead of just reacting. Don't perpetuate the problem, be part of God's hand in setting it straight. If you have a recurring problem with your child, take a step back and ask yourself or them what is really going on. Ask an outside observer to offer their insight. Sometimes we are too close to a situation to see the answer, but whatever you do don't ignore it.

May God grant you wisdom and peace as you parent your children today.
Brenda

Loving the Unlovable - GET REAL!

2010-02-09T08:25:00.000-08:00

No matter where life takes us it is clear that the Lord craves to go with us. Each life we walk past is experiencing a day we can't understand fully. When you are cut off on the road and an irritation wells within you, did that person just learn of horrible news. Have they just experienced a bombardment of events making your presence on the road with him invisible? We can't walk in everyone's shoes, but we can live a life that reflects the mercy and forgiveness we have all been blessed with through Christ. Be slow to anger, give and given mercy, forgive, live in peace, fret not. The Word of God is filled with a call to love and care for even those that are hard to care for.

How do we help children understand what is hard for many adults to grasp? By living out our faith with reality. Share the challenges you experience with loving the unlovable. Ask for forgiveness in front of your children. Be with them as you ask the Lord to give you a heart that can love those that are hurtful. Do the same for them as they battle with their emotions and encounter tough people. This is a life journey. You will not raise a perfect loving child. But if you show them humility and a need to lay all at the feet of God, you give them the tools to build with.

God is faithful. All we can do is live out our humanness in a real way. Don't try to be superman or superwoman. Share what is appropriate and let them know that you need God just as they do. Your journey will be the richer for it. (as a side note: Don't share really serious issues with children to young to process them. Children count on you for their security. Bring things down to an appropriate level. )

May God bless you as you live in truth before your children and share ---His "commandments that He gives you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deut 6:6-9

Brenda

The Devil Made Me Do IT!

2010-02-08T08:49:00.000-08:00

The Conscience and the Holy Spirit

The heart contains a number of internal prompters but some of them lead children in the wrong direction. For example, the heart contains emotions, but sometimes those emotions prompt children to act inappropriately. The heart contains desires but when those desires are wrong we call them temptations.

God has placed two governors in the heart to guide the internal motivations of a person. Those two governors are the conscience and the Holy Spirit. The conscience is a part of the heart. The Holy Spirit is a person. The conscience can prompt children to do right or avoid wrong, but the Holy Spirit can empower them to change.

As you help children develop a strong conscience you’re making them more aware of internal promptings. In doing so, you’ll be preparing them to learn to listen to the voice of God in their lives.

We have no record of the conscience speaking in the Bible. Instead, it feels good or bad, but the Holy Spirit does speak. Children can learn to listen to the voice of God in their lives. How does God speak to a child? Through his Word, through an internal sense of peace, through prayer, and even through parents.

Talk to your kids about the internal prompters. When you do, help them to know what to do with those promptings. Just because you feel like doing something, doesn’t make it right. We must always check our hearts against the scriptures. That’s the only way to know what is truly the right thing to do.

This tip comes to you from http://www.biblicalparenting.org/

___________________________________________________________

When you talk through what a child feels, and you identify what they are feeling as a temptation, help them to identify what triggers that temptation and to create steps to avoid it or flee from it. Children can eventually construct this level of reason themselves, but until then, clear and concise identification and steps to get through something is needed. Be on the look out for teachable moments and take advantage of them.
Some good memory verses for them to use are:

Mark 14:38 Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

James1: 13-14 When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.

Enjoy your kids.
Brenda

Waves of Worry or Peace Like a River

2010-01-27T06:41:00.001-08:00

Hello Dear Families
I am a pretty peaceful person. I tend to live in the today and rarely worry, as my close friends can attest too. However, there are times when I worry about my kids. Is that okay? Is that an understandable and acceptable state of mind with God? The human side of me would be the first to say, "Oh that is normal, it goes with the territory." However, the Word of God says something different. Philippians 4:6 says "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."

It doesn't say be anxious for nothing except your kids, or your parenting failures, or their failures. It says be anxious for nothing!

What do you do then when you are hit with a wave of worry for your child? Well the answer lies in the second half of the verse. ("but in Everything by prayer and supplication")Supplication means : 1.To ask for humbly or earnestly, as by praying; 2.To make a humble entreaty to; beseech. That is where those intense emotions of fear, worry and anxiety go. They need to poured out in our prayers to God on behalf of our child. We need to recognize that God's original design for us as parents was not to live in our worry. He does not bring the fear. He gives us a way out. The words earnestly, entreaty and beseech in the definition of this word share the intensity of our state of mind when we are doing the praying. We can't stop the waves of worry. We can Biblically handle them with God's help.

The interesting part of this verse in Philippians ends with "with thanksgiving". So not only are we not to claim the fear and worry as normal and acceptable, we are to take it with all its waves of intensity and give it over to the Lord, knowing that He will hear us and answer our prayer. Be thankful for His perfect will in your life and the lives of your children, even when trial comes. In James 1:2-4 we learn that all things, even trials, come together to perfect us and our children. Count is all JOY.

Now I know this is easier said then done, but what choice do we have? Fear and anxiety rob us of our sound mind and leads us to poor thinking and irrational actions. If we are going to win the battle of the spiritual forces against us and our children, then we need to be armed for that battle with God. Matthew 6:24-34 talks about how little we can actually control in our life, but more beautifully, it speaks to the tender loving kindness of our God who will provide for us all that we need. The sooner we accept this the sooner we will find peace that only comes from releasing and surrendering wholly to God. He loves your kids more than you do. He has the hairs on their head counted. Allow Him to work out His plan for them. Now I say this as someone who continues to have to lay this back down at the altar of God. Join me in releasing our worry, fear and anxiety over to our Lord.

May the peace that surpasses all human understanding be with you today.
Brenda

Don't Hug me: Do the Dishes!

2010-01-25T07:40:00.001-08:00

Good Morning and welcome to the beginning of a new week.

Every day we wake up and face the tasks and chores ahead of us. We will interact with our children dozens and dozens of times today. What language are you speaking. I know, that sounds like a stupid question, but it isn't. Gary Chapman wrote a few books on the 5 Languages of Love. He helped us to take a step back and assess how others feel loved.

Feeling loved is one of the most essential and primal needs we humans have. We know what works for us but do other people in your family know what your love language is? The following are the 5 Love Languages. Determine what yours is, as well as, each member of your family. Have a family meeting and make sure everyone knows what the other's love language is. Make it a family project to show love to each member of the family using their love language. What a difference it will make in how everyone feels. It works. Give it a try.

The five different love languages are:

Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

For more on Gary Chapman's Books go to: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ He also has an assessment tool on his page to help you figure out your own love language.

Here is a link that gives suggestions on how to express each love language to children of different ages. At the bottom left of the page are the links for each love language and suggestions.
http://www.parentingideas.org/articles/behavior/why-i-chose-the-five-love-languages/

Enjoy your family today. Love them with the love that only can come from God.
Blessings
Brenda

Commenting

2010-01-14T06:59:00.000-08:00

I have had a few of you email that you want to leave comments but don't know how. All you have to do is click on 'Sign In'. This will prompt you to put in an email address and password. Put what email address you want to use and make a password. You can click the remember me button and then the 'Sign in' button. Once you click on this it will ask you a few more questions and then you are signed into the blog as a user. At this point you can go back to the blog and click on 'Comment' and you will be able to leave comments for everyone to respond to or read.

I look forward to all the wisdom and experience you all will share and we endeavor to raise our children in the Lord together.

Blessings
Brenda

Check your attitude at the door

2010-01-13T09:15:00.000-08:00

Is your home a sanctuary or a battlefield? No matter what is going on in your family's world on the outside, once they walk through the door of your house there should be an understanding that this is a safe place. Help your children learn to affirm and not tear down. Help them understand the feelings of others in the family by putting themselves in the other person's shoes, emotionally. For instance, when one family member says something hurtful to another, you can ask that person how they would feel if that was said to them the same way.

Help your child, and all your family, understand that once they walk through that door, they can expect to be safe, loved, and affirmed. Even correction can be done in such a way as to help a child learn without feeling threatened. Remaining calm in body language and tone when discussing an offense will help your child focus on the wrong done and not immediately go to the defensive.

As parents we are the rudder that steers the ship. What we model sets the tone for the environment. Now granted siblings will be siblings, and sin nature is a factor. Help your children learn to resolve issues through calm conversations and compromise. Time to cool off may be essential in getting to this end, but modeling is the key. Give them words and tone to use in their negotiations. Help them discover compromise and peace is the expectation of your home.

Now times will come where evil will get a foothold in your home. I have had all 4 of my children freaking out at once and it was more than normal and stronger than normal. You will sense that something has infiltrated your home. When this happens you MUST do a prayer walk. Walk through the floors of your home and pray. Send satan packing. At night when all your children are asleep, go into their rooms and lay your hands on them. Pray protection from evil. I promise you this works. Satan will not stay in a home where he is being expelled in the name of Jesus.

Rest assured that raising your children in this day and age is a spiritual battle of monumental proportions. You serve the winner of this battle. Call on Him and His power regularly to defeat him who seeks to destroy your family.

God will prevail.
Blessings to you all.
Brenda

Parenting: The Greatest Adventure

2009-12-27T08:15:00.000-08:00

Greetings to you all,

I am thankful that things have calmed down a bit so I can get back to spending time with you, our parents. You have the most wonderful challenging job in the world. I have enjoyed every minute of being a parent. It was what I wanted to be when I grew up. Of course, there have been those moments when I wished I had a magic wand. Trials and troubles come with the wonderful memories and countless hours of laughter and enjoyment. I have had police at my door, cell phones in the toilet, keys lost at the bottom of toy boxes, fist fights between siblings in my living room, countless morning battles to get the kids to church and school, last minute notice of school projects, lies, disrespect, angry outbursts, extreme emotional fallout from the divorce, poverty, words said in haste and anger that you wish you could take back, rejection from extended family, and much more.

Looking back I can see God's divine providence in even the hardest of experiences. All I ever wanted was a loving, Christ-centered marriage and children that grew to love and depend completely on God. I have not gotten all I have prayed for as of yet. I continue to pray in faith that the answer is 'wait' and not 'no'. However, God is the orchestrator of all good. I cannot see all the good that He plans with His perfect timing. I hold to John 6:44. "No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him." I have two of my 4 children who have not embraced a relationship with God. My heart aches for them to know Him.

I share this with you in hopes that you know I understand what challenges you face. There is much I have been through that is written in silence between the lines. A lifetime of issues, emotions, and trials that qualify me to at least understand what you are going through. I really do believe we are all here to help one another. If any of you need someone to talk with, I am here. As a family of God, we are called to come along side one another. I praise God that so many of you have close Christian friends that you can turn to when you need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. If you don't have someone or for whatever reason want to keep your problems private, I am able to be that outlet for you. No matter who you turn too, don't go through your challenges alone. There is always someone who cares and wants to help.

May God bless you all through the hardest, greatest, best adventure you'll ever be on, Parenting.

In His Service,

Brenda

A time to teach generosity

2009-12-21T05:59:00.000-08:00

This tip comes from the National Center for Biblical Parenting. To sign up for the daily parenting tips, click on my link in the bottom right side of this page.

Christmas, A Time to Teach Generosity

Christmas is a highlight in the life of most children, but much of the benefit is focused on what they get. Of course one of the blessings of Christmas is giving, so look for ways to teach children generosity this year. Here are some ideas:

Involves kids in your gift giving strategy or help them develop their own. Planning, shopping, and wrapping can each provide ways for children to think about blessing others.

Anticipate with your children the delight others will experience when the gifts are opened. Help your child enjoy the fun others will have when receiving gifts.

Ask children the question: "What are you doing this year to make Christmas special for others?" This question alone can help teens think of others instead of just themselves. A short discussion can help move kids from selfish tendencies to generosity.

And most importantly, remind children of the generosity of God by sending us a special gift in his Son.

For more ideas on addressing heart issues in your kids, consider the book, Parenting is Heart Work by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Peace be Yours -Contentment

2009-12-15T07:27:00.000-08:00

Peace be Yours - Contentment

When we are truly content we are at peace. For those who have found contentment in God, this peace is sweet. We rest in knowing that God has all things well in hand. We enjoy not having to have all the answers. But what about our children? How do they feel? What is their perception of this truth? We so very much want to inject them with truth. Wouldn't it be nice if their was a Bible IV? We could just hook them up each day and have the Holy Spirit flowing through their veins all day. Alas, it isn't that simple. However, the journey, or dare I say, the struggle is part of the learning process. It is what makes those AHA moments so dear. The following is just a few suggestions on how to continue to train your children to find contentment some from me and some from "Raising Spiritual Champions Newsletter".

"I trust in you , O Lord; I say 'You are my God. My life is in your hands. Psalm 31:14-15a

Read these verses with your child. Talk about the attitude the writer has about his life. What makes the writer comfortable with his situation? Ask how comfortable your child feels about their life? Let this conversation open up to a wonderful teachable moment.

Kids who are comfortable with themselves know they are loved and wanted. Help them develop a sense of contentment in natural ways.

Appreciate your kids for who they are and what they do. Tell them you like them. Keep a journal of the positive things they do, their qualities and strengths. Write down the positive comments their teachers and others say about them. Read through the book occasionally to help your kids see themselves from various perspectives.

Repeat important sayings and verses that build confidence and courage. Believe me, your words to them will pop up in their heads when a choice needs to be made and you're not around. My children have told me many times that when they needed to make a decision, they could hear my advise in their head. They didn't always do what they should have, but when things fell apart it only solidified the wisdom that they should have followed.

Send your kids off each day with a prayer or blessing. Let them know they can handle whatever comes. Your confidence in them can carry them through when they aren't feeling so sure of themselves.

Help them develop the habit of complimenting others on what they are good at too.

Bless you all. Fight the good fight.
Brenda

Plan to be Content

2009-12-14T07:36:00.000-08:00

Reaching contentment,

Reaching contentment in our day and age is a challenge, especially for our children. They are bombarded with media that tells them they should get what they want and fast. How do we bring them through the brainwashing to an understanding of the truth in Philippians 4:11-13?

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

First and foremost you must model it. That is not to say you won't slip up from time to time, but find the truth in these verses and try to own them for yourself. Kids today see right through the old saying, "Do as I say not as I do".

Next help them through each disappointment with a fresh view point. Help them reflect on any other experience they had that was frustrating or disappointing and how something good came out of it that they couldn't see at the time. Perhaps a move to a new home was hard for the friends that were left, but the new friends are just as wonderful.

Help them keep a prayer journal. Let them pray and write their disappointments and frustrations to God. He can handle it. God wants us to bring all of ourselves to Him. As you keep track in a journal, look back from time to time on past prayers and laments and see if you can find a silver lining or lesson learned from that experience that you can point out to them. Don't forget to add praises to your journal. It is very important for your child to be able to see the inner workings of the Holy Spirit in their lives.

Help your child learn the difference between what they need and what they want. God promises to give us what we need. Everything else is icing on the cake and not a necessity. Help them realize how much they have that doesn't fall under the need category. Help them to be thankful for the many blessings instead of focusing on what they don't /can't have.

Sometimes it is helpful to show them how people live with less and how blessed they are. Take them to visit a shelter or show them how others live in 3rd world countries by going on the Internet. Name something in the room and let your kids tell how life would be different if the item didn't exist or hadn't been invented. Help them realize that having it is a blessing from God.

These are just a few starter ideas. This is a journey that is counter cultural. It won't be easy, but your child will be vastly more happy if they learn to be content.

Blessings to you all

Brenda

Simple and bite size

2009-12-07T05:51:00.001-08:00

Have you ever noticed that God has arranged most of His wisdom in a cause and effect manner. This makes things very simple to understand. For instance:
James 2:13 - Someone who shows No mercy >> receives judgement without mercy.

The next time you read a passage, look for simple, bite-size nuggets. While training your children to read the Bible, it is helpful to break things down as simply as possible. Have a contest one day to see how many cause >>affect phrase you can find. Write them out on cards and place a few around to talk about throughout the week.

Let's try it together to get the hang of it.
James 1:3-4 Trials > Patience > Perfect and complete
James 1:5 Ask for wisdom in faith > God gives liberally
James 1:6-7 Ask for wisdom with doubt > Should not expect to receive anything from God
James 1:12 Endure temptation > receive the crown of life
James 1:15 Follow desires > sin > death
James 1:17 God > good gifts > us

You get the point. Imagine any one of these being a launching point for family discussions. Help your child find examples around them of these being true.

Your children are growing up in a post modern world. They will be taught by the world that there is no absolute truth. That each person finds what is true for them. That even that truth can change when we want it to. Help your children from an early age understand and see the absolute truth of the Word of God.

This is a spiritual battle. Fight the good fight.
Blessings
Brenda

READY, SET, BE CONTENT!

2009-12-03T07:37:00.000-08:00

Is it possible to be content when things aren't going as we had planned? How do we teach our children to embrace contentment?
Start by helping them think through the idea. Ask some questions to get them thinking. Such as:

*What was a time you tried something that didn't work out like you wanted it to?

*How do you usually feel when things don't work out as you'd like?

*What was a time you were disappointed with something but then everything turned out okay in the end?

*What kinds of things can make you discontent?

Then help your children follow some guidelines: such as...

*Don't compare your circumstances or life to other people's.

*Give thanks in all circumstances. (This is a hard one for kids as they are literal creatures.) Help your children acknowledge that God loves them and only wants good for them. Help them think through any examples from their or your lives that looked bad initially, but good can be seen now. Remind them that God is faithful and we are just to trust Him.

*Life is made up of good and bad experiences and circumstances. You choose to dwell on the positive or the negative. Help your child stay focused on the positive. (Phil 4:8 is a good one to read them)

*Remember that you can make it through whatever comes your way with God's help. (Read them Phil 4:13) Remind them that they are not alone. That God is always with them and gives them strength and peace.

Whatever you do, please don't assume that something that seems insignificant to you isn't extremely significant to them. Take each of their concerns to heart and help them through it.

Start training your little one to look back at the day and recall all the good things God provided to them because He loves them. (Warm sun, cool bug, mommy's hug, cereal from the store, etc) Train them to focus on the good and positive from the beginning.

May you meditate today on all the blessings and wonder of God.
Brenda

Get an Attitude: Teaching Gratefullness

2009-12-01T08:23:00.000-08:00

Kids who are appreciative stand out. These are usually kids who have been guided from very young to be grateful. Even toddlers can say something that means "thank you" when they receive a cookie or a cup of juice. No matter how old your kids are now, it's not too late to help them develop a more grateful attitude. Here's how you can encourage it.

Be grateful yourself. Sincerely thank your kids and others when it's appropriate.

Go around the table before a meal, and give a prayer of thanksgiving with each person finishing this prayer starter: "Thanks, God for..."

Sing thanks with your family, if you enjoy music. Sing songs you know, play worship CDs or DVDs and sing with them, or make up songs of your own.

Read together in Luke 17:11-19 the story of the ten men who were healed by Jesus and only one returned to thank Him. Talk about the point Jesus made in this story. What do you think happened to the other nine?

1 Thessalonians 5:18 "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" What can you thank God for in your present circumstances? Talk about why God wants us to do this.

Take any opportunity to point out the beauty and majesty of God's creation and to be thankful for it.

For fun learn to say thank you in different languages. Here are some to get you started. Spanish: gracias (GRAH-see-us); French: merci (mare-SEE); Chinese: Xiexie (shay-shay); Italian: grazie (GRAH-tsee-yeh); Japanese: arigato (ah-ree-GAT-o).

Blessings to you all
Brenda

A Lesson in Honor

2009-11-23T06:36:00.000-08:00

A Lesson in Honor

Honor changes kids, but sometimes it's hard to communicate its importance to children. One way that you can teach honor is by modeling it as you extend hospitality to others.

We live in a compartmentalized society. Many of the entertainment options today decrease interaction between people and leave them feeling lonely. It's an honor to be invited over for dinner or for an evening of games and activities.

Opening your home is an excellent way to extend grace and honor to others and it's good for your kids. Talk with your children about who you're going to invite and why. Plan the evening together and talk about how you'll treat your guests as special. Afterwards, talk about how things went and emphasize the positive things that happened and how you all worked together to show honor to others.

1 Peter 4:9 gives an interesting command to believers. "Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling." Use that verse before, during, and after to help your children understand the benefits of honoring others.

So, who can you invite over this week? Not only will you bless others, but also you'll be blessed yourself. And your kids are always watching and learning.

For more practical ideas on developing honor in your family consider the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, in You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

This was sent to me by the daily parenting tips I get from the National Center for Biblical Parenting. If you would like to sign up to receive their tips just click on my Parenting Tips link at the right bottom of this page.

Blessings to you all,
Brenda

It isn't what you think!

2009-11-16T07:18:00.000-08:00

We held a Business meeting for the church last night and our chairman, Dan Charlin, did the devotion. He relayed a story about a bird trapped in our sanctuary for a week. Despite efforts to encourage him to leave, it wasn't until he was weak from thirst and hunger and couldn't fly that they were able to guide him to where he belonged.

He talked about how God can use those moments of weakness to bring us to a point where we can receive help. He mentioned how when the bird first flew in there he must of thought he had found the biggest and best bird house in the world. It was warm and safe and looked really cool, but there was a foundational need it wasn't filling. There was no food or water.

What a wonderful analogy that can be used with your children in many ways.
Children covet things all the time: toys, popularity, money, clothes, awards, accolades, etc. However, often the value placed on most things is far greater than actually having it.

In addition, Satan makes the wrong things look very appealing only to pursuade you into a trap that can take you away from being fed by Christians and God. What an even more amazing analogy is that it was a church. Satan uses the things of God to cloud the ugly truth of their origin. People in cults will preach out of the Bible, only to distort and change it, creating confusion.

Another great use of this analogy is how stubborn the bird was to receive the truth or help. He had to reach a broken point to accept help. How many parents allow their children to ride out the consequences of their choices? (Minus anything that can actually physically harm them.) It is our job to warn them if they are about to fly into a situation that is not going to work. However, if they stubbornly refuse to listen to you, allow God an opportunity to teach them and bring them to a more humble place. Swooping in and saving your children from consequences robs them of valuable learning time. This is one of the hardiest things we do. But I bet that bird never flies into that sanctuary again!

Meditate on this analogy. Ask God to reveal to you other valuable lessons to learn from it and share it back with us. Read Matthew 5:6 and contemplate a tie there. Object lessons are the best way for children to learn. Tying life lessons into things they see in everyday life helps the Holy Spirit recall information to them.

Feel free to share any insight or object lessons you have used that I can share with others. We are a village. Let's help each other raise Godly children. Email them to the address below my name or comment back on this blog.

Blessings

Brenda
bherrera@rhcc.net

2009-11-13T07:19:00.001-08:00

It's my day off and I'm sitting with my son at physical therapy. I thinking back to when he was a boy. When they were younger it was 4 to 1. Four of them all wanting my undivided attention. I created private opportunities to be alone with them. Eventually that turned into date night when I started stabalizing financially. In the begining it was park, beach, book or beach time.

It didn't have to cost a dime. They just wanted to be all mine for awhile.

Find a special time for each parent to celebrate each child. It will hugely impact their feelings of self worth.

By the way, now that they are all grown up they schedule date nights with me now. It is a beautful thing.

What are your kids worried about?

2009-11-12T08:13:00.000-08:00

Children today are more stressed and worried then we were when we were kids. They face a world that has become far more evil and less reserved. The pressure to succeed is very strong. Many will quit trying or find release in rebellion.

Spend each day talking with your child about who they saw that day. What kind of interactions went on. How issues were handled. Help them think through, at a young age, ways to handle social situations where life directions begin.

Use TV shows and movies as an avenue to discuss examples that you can pick apart together. Ask them how they would feel in certain situations and what they could do to navigate them.

Use captive times wisely.(those times they are in the car or unable to escape) :)
Help them practice working through thoughts and issues. I promise you that they are talking to their friends about all the issues they see each day. Who do you want to be the source of information? You or them. Now granted they are going to talk to their friends anyway and their input will hold serious weight. That is why it is imperative for you to at least be included in the fact finding mission.

Help them realize the motives that peers may have in thier answers. Help them to discern what environment a friend may be in and how they could develop a different opinion than yours.

Talk Talk Talk then Listen Listen Listen.

It will pay off in the end.
Enjoy this day with your kids.
Brenda

Who is in control of your child?

2009-11-10T10:33:00.000-08:00

How much of your behavior today will be controlled by others?

How reactionary are our children throughout the day? Talk with them (and yourself)about how much we let the actions of others control our emotions and responses.

Romans 12:17-21

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord. On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

How hard it is sometimes to play this out in every day life. Talk with your child about who causes them problems. Talk about what happens and give them strategies to live out these verses. However, remember that children are literal creatures. Be careful that they understand that they are not to remain in situations that can harm them. Peace is not an excuse to allow bad behavior to go unchecked.

This is a challenging lesson for children. (and adults sometimes) Keep the communication flowing daily. Don't let "Fine" be every day's answer to "How was your day?". The more they talk the more you can disciple them to become spiritual champions.

Blessings throughout your day.
Brenda

He is my Refuge

2009-11-09T08:36:00.000-08:00

How do we build confidence in our children? There will always be someone better, faster, or smarter then they are. It is okay to allow them the opportunity for challenges and competitions, but reward should be intrinsic. Challenge them to press on toward their own goals. Help them to focus on why they should improve and to improve to please God not others.

Psalm 46:1-2
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea," This verse tells us that when we are having trouble, God can be our confidence.

Remind them that God sees them through His eyes with love and not through the eyes of man. He loves them the way He created them. He has uniquely gifted them to set out and be part of His plan.

Remind your child as they experience each new challenge or fear, that God is right by their side to fill in where they lack and to guide and protect them. "If God is for me who can be against me."

Develop a habit of asking your child open-ended questions (ones they can't be answered with "Yes" or "No"). They will learn to share their feelings about fears and concerns they have. This gives you an opportunity to help them learn that their confidence is in the Lord.

Psalm 118:8
It is better to trust in the LORD,Than to put confidence in man.

Bless you all as you guide your children through this day.
Brenda

When Children Resist Instructions

2009-11-03T08:11:00.000-08:00

I must confess that I have been so busy with other tasks that I have cheated and shared with you wisdom from parenting tips that come to me. I'm sure you don't mind. May you find this helpful.
Brenda

When Children Resist Instructions

When a child continually demonstrates resistance to instructions, then it's time to decide whether you need to emphasize relationship more or you need to discipline for a lack of responsiveness.

Sometimes we take our children for granted, order them around, and don't appreciate them enough. The result is children who tend to resist instructions. If that's the case in your family then it's time to show more love and emphasize the value of your relationships together.

On the other hand, some children resist instructions because of poor character. Training is work and some children need to learn how to demonstrate genuine responsiveness when someone wants to talk with them. If you ask your son to come help in the kitchen, and before you finish your instruction he's whining and complaining, then stop the process. You may have to postpone discipline for a time because you need to get the table set in order to stay on schedule, but don't just let it go.

After dinner, talk to your son and confront him about his poor attitude. Explain the importance of cooperation and that you're going to have him help you with dinner every evening for a while. Increasing the workload to give more opportunity to practice may be just the constructive consequence needed to build a cooperative attitude.
Kids want life to be easy. The reality is that life is hard. Cooperation is an essential character quality all children need and now’s the time to teach it.

For more on how to build a good Instruction Routine with your children, consider the Parenting is Heart Work Training Manuals and CDs. Lesson One outlines a five step Instruction Routine and helps you know how to teach it

Parents Stand with their Children before the Lord

2009-11-02T07:23:00.000-08:00

There is much hype these days that parents have turned over the primary spiritual education of their children to the church. That may have been true in the recent past, but there is a huge mind shift happening in parents today. The church is supporting and encouraging them to be the primary teacher of their children. Churches only get a very small number of minutes with children each week. Parents have them for the many hours that they are not in school. You, as parents, are perfectly positioned to carry out,

Deuteronomy 11:18-20
Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates,

Rolling Hills Covenant Church Children's Ministries understand that our ministry is not just to your children, but to you. We want to be volunteers in your Children's Ministry. We are committed to providing you with tools and support to help you with the spiritual development of you child. We understand as a church that strong parents and families lead to stronger spiritual champions in your children.

Take advantage of the resources we have for you. Join marriage and parenting workshops and series. Come as a family to Bible Study during the week. Use the weekend lessons your children have learned as a spring board to go deeper with God as a family. We offer you a tool online that shares weekend lessons and enrichment suggestions you can do at home. http://tiny.cc/vdpOP

This January we will begin the Bible Institute on Tuesday nights. There will be several classes to choose from while your children attend LINKED. Consider making Tuesday night a night your family is committed to come together and grow in knowledge of the Lord.

We are excited about the change we see here at RHCC. So many families are committed to the spiritual development of their children and furthering their own walk. I am proud to be part of this church. You are standing with your children before the Lord.

Bless you all
Brenda

Getting a Response

2009-10-29T13:01:00.000-07:00

Get a Response

Parents give instructions many times a day. The difference between a drill sergeant and a parent has to do with relationship. The way you give an instruction helps a lot. In fact, a little forethought can head off resistance before it starts.

In addition, we encourage parents to teach children to respond with, "Okay Mom," or "Okay Dad." This answer reveals three things. First, it shows that the child has heard what you said. How many times have you gone back to check up on an assignment only to hear the child say, "But I didn't hear you"? Some parents even teach their children to repeat the instruction back by saying, "I will…" and then fill in the blank. This helps clarify the instruction for both parent and child.

The second benefit of an answer is that it teaches the child to communicate the intent to follow through. One dad said, "I like it when my son says, 'Okay Dad,' because it shows me that he's going to do what I asked."

The third benefit of a response is that you can hear what kind of attitude your child has. If it's one of those, "Okaaay Mommm!" responses then you know that your child has an attitude problem. The response reveals some important things about a child's heart. Silence can mean too many things. A child may comply, while harboring anger, rebellion, resentment, or defiance.

Teaching children to answer after an instruction gives you a window into their hearts to see if they're responding well to the instruction. If not, a parent has the opportunity to help make some adjustments.

This tip was taken from the book, Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Brenda

Generosity

2009-10-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

Generosity will be rewarded; Give a cup of water, and you will receive a cup of water in return" Proverbs 11:25

Luke 6:38
Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Talk with your kids about what kinds of rewards come from being generous. Do you give only so that you can receive? Being generous starts with being aware of others, recognizing that they have needs and that you might be able to meet them.

Give family members a chance to share how they were generous during the day. Don't press the issue if someone can't think of anything. Keep doing this for serveral days in a row to help them become more aware of opportunities during the day. You'll begin to hear some very interesting reports.

Have somone read Philippians 2:3-4 to the family. See if they understand that being generous starts with taking care of others before you take care of yourself. It might mean putting others needs before before your wants.

Even as young as preschool they can learn generosity. When your little one is going to have a friend over have them help you plan a snack and allow your child to serve the snacks to his friend. Compliment him on being generous and kind.

Don't forget to model generosity to your children and use those opportunities as teachable moments.

Bless you all
Brenda

Excerpts from Raising up Spiritual Champions Newsletters by Jean K Lawson

Plan Ahead or Come Up Short

2009-10-15T08:16:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, we have been already starting our Christmas planning here at the church. I know that that word brings a wide array of emotions for all of you. (Magic, stress, sadness, happiness, family, love, fun,busyness, expense, planning, etc) Let me give you some time to consider what your children learn from this season. What is the first word that comes into their mind when you say Christmas? My guess is the word 'present' is at the top of the list.

My challenge to you would be to set a plan in place this Christmas season to help them transition in their mind to Christ as the present. How can we share Him this season?

Think about your normal traditions you have and how you can transform them into acts of love in the name of Christ. Change your terminology around to saturate your conversations with excitement about Christ and what He did for us.

Perhaps you have a gingerbread house making ritual. Could you make two and take one or more down to a women's shelter for the kids, or perhaps cookie decorating is your thing. Maybe extra can be made and taken to a senior center in your area. Whatever your tradition, think about how you can share the love of Christ with it. You could add a new tradition to your season if your existing ones are not adaptable.

Start planning now. Think of how you will phrase things and build excitement for the new traditions you are planning. Children take their lead from you. Set out to systematically change that first word that pops into your child's head when you say Christmas.

I would love to hear about all the ways our families are already doing this. Chime in and share.

Is God not Sure?

2009-10-14T08:09:00.000-07:00

When you experience a challenge in your life no matter what category it falls under is it a test to show God where you are at in faith?

I have been going through the Old Testament and when I came across the part in Genesis where Abraham is told to sacrifice Isaac, it made me pause. Why did God put both of them through that? I think sometimes we think God is testing us to see if our faith is true and pure. So does that mean that God doesn't already know where we are at spiritually? That is not what the Bible says.

Then why? What happens to us when we come to that moment where the rubber meets the road and we have to stand in our faith? What happens in us? We find ourselves processing through what we believe, and why we believe it. This refining experience can only really happen in the moment of most intensity when all is on the line. Do I stand or do I fall.

God is already sure of where you are. He knew Abraham's convictions and his heart before He asked him to sacrifice the son he had longed for. To be a fly on Abraham's mind on that day. The scripture leaves out any comments of deep emotions experienced by Abraham. There was simply obedience to the very end without hesitation. Abraham proved not only to God but his son and himself that God is faithful, just and most importantly deserving of our unquestioning obedience.

When you stand before a difficult challenge, remember, it is not happening to fill God in on where you are at. He already knows. It is for you.

Help your children learn that God is worthy of our obedience. Trials are opportunity for reflection, growth, and witness. Oh that we will stand strong in faith of God, is my prayer. May God richly bless you all today. Stand strong.

Brenda

Raising our children to honor God with their body.

2009-10-13T11:12:00.000-07:00

Raising girls to honor the Lord with their bodies in a society that is so sexually focused is an uphill battle. However, it is a fight that we must persevere through.

We must help our girls see that how they act and dress can have a profound affect on men/boys. Since boys/men are such visual creatures, it is important to help girls not cause them to stumble. Girls should understand the powerful responsibility they hold. The Lord says in 1 Corinthians 6:13b that 'our bodies are not for sexual immorality but for the Lord and the Lord for the body.' As Christians, our bodies are now called to a higher purpose. In Matthew 5:28 it says, 'Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart'. It is imperative that we help them understand that our role as women is to help a man not stumble by not enticing them.

Likewise, it is important for us to help our sons understand that women are to be revered and treated as a precious vessel. That if there are girls/women that cause their thoughts to wonder that they need to confess those thoughts and take them as seriously as if they had committed an immoral act. They also need to be trained on how to avoid and respond to situations that they find themselves tempted in.

Children are having sex as early as late elementary school now. It is important to start developmentally appropriate education with your children about what God teaches about their bodies.

Especially for girls, it is important to help them view their self image as God views them. Helping them plug in early to their identity in Christ will help them be less likely to want to tarnish that image with inappropriate dress and behavior.

The world is very, very clear and loud on this issue. "They aren't enough as they are." We have to be louder and clearer. Especially when they are still young enough to believe us.

Blessings to you all.
Brenda

5 Causes of Anger

2009-10-12T06:57:00.000-07:00

Five Causes of Anger

Some parents have a hard time analyzing their anger to get anything positive out of it. A helpful way to uncover what’s behind your anger is to recognize anger’s five basic causes. These five causes overlap at points and you may find that the situation you’re experiencing fits more than one, but this list is often helpful to bring some rationale to feelings. Use these causes to guide your self-reflection when you start to feel angry and then move into a more healthy response.

It is important to use this checklist to help your children identify, analyze and process their anger.

1. Physical Pain - When a child hits you or you step on a sharp toy, your anger may, in part, be fueled by the physical pain you experience.

2. Blocked Goals - Trying to leave the house by 7:35 am and turning to see that your three-year-old took her shoes off again can lead to anger.

3. Violated Rights - When her five-year-old is knocking on the bathroom door, a mom may feel angry and think, “I have the right to go to the bathroom in peace.” A dad may believe that he has a right to come home and have a few minutes to relax in quiet before taking on family problems

4. Unfairness - When a mom sees a big brother picking on his sister, or a younger child harassing an older one, she may get angry because of the obvious unfairness of the situation. A dad may feel it’s unfair that he has to help bathe the kids after putting in a hard day’s work.

5. Unmet Expectations - A mom might say, “I expected to arrive home from work to cook dinner, but instead I come home to this mess!” Unmet expectations seem to go along with the job of parenting but often result in angry feelings.

Discovering what is causing your angry feelings will often help you see where your child needs to grow or change, giving you more insight into how to discipline most effectively. Understanding the five causes of anger can help you as you relate to your family.

Each time you feel angry, stop for a minute and try to identify which of these is the cause. Putting a label on your feelings may help you redirect some of that energy to a more productive response. You may begin to see patterns in yourself and identify one particular cause that is more common for you. This observation can help you know how to adjust your reaction.

If you have an anger issue that is destructive, repetitive or out of control, consider attending Celebrate Recovery at RHCC on Friday nights. They recover together from whatever has ahold of you.

This tip was taken from the book, Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Be A Fly on Your Own Wall

2009-10-08T07:40:00.000-07:00

Children learn from a young age to read your body language. They know your loving face and voice, your comforting voice, your irritated voice and the infamous, 'I have had it tone!' From infancy child absorb all the visual data they can take in. What information do you think they are gathering from watching and listening in your home.

Try this. Listen to a normal day in your house. What moods, messages and cues would you learn just by observing and not having any knowledge of history on what is going on. Listen and watch with virgin eyes. What is on TV, the radio, what books are being picked up and read? How much yelling happens and what is it over? Is there a worthy conflict that you back down from? Your children learn by what you do and don't do.

Some people take a passive role in situations that are worthy of boundaries. This is also being learned by your child. I often tell people who are allowing abuse of some sort in their lives that what they are really doing is teaching their children that it is okay to be abused. They are going to grow up assuming that abuse is acceptable. Now most of you reading this don't have something as serious as that in your life. However, there are plenty of other silent lessons you are teaching your children all day.

Take a step back and be an observer in your own life. Listen to what you say and how you say it. Determine if it is achieving the goal you want. (Such as stopping a behavior or teaching a virtue) If you are not accomplishing your goal you are probably repeating an ineffective process to the frustration of all.

I believe it was Benjamin Franklin that said, "A fool is someone who repeats the same act over and over expecting a different result"

That quote transformed my parenting tactics.

Take inventory of tone, body language, effectiveness, and motive with your parenting. If something is going the wrong way, put on the brakes, regroup, and fix it. Commit it to prayer and God will show you where you need to fine tune.

Bless you all
Brenda

What Are We Teaching Our Girls?

2009-10-04T19:16:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't written in a few days but I have been off to the mountains for a retreat and on jury duty. I have been contemplating the various roles women have taken over the years. There status as equals with Adam, the mother or sin, and now restored through the blood and redemption of Christ.

What do we teach our young girls about their place in society? What message are we sending to them by our actions, words, and stereotyping?

In Genesis we see the original blueprint that God had intended. Man and woman in an alliance to take care of all God had for them to do. However, when we think of the name Eve we all jump to the first sin. The fruit that she ate and shared with Adam.

The consequences that followed were clear and continued until Christ sacrificed to all on the cross. When the veil was torn in the Holy of Holys, the spiritual hierarchy was over. There was no longer an outer court for women or inner court for priests or a court for Gentiles. All of us could now approach the most holy equally. Christ restored the original blueprint.

What do we share with our girls? This is a much debated topic. There are many on both sides of the issue. Should women remain submissive to men. Are men still rulers over women as it says in Genesis 3:16, or was that condition dissolved by the sacrifice and restoration of God's children to Him when Christ was sacrificed?

Share your thoughts on this. Take a few minutes to create an account and lets discuss our views on how to best raise our children up in fear and admonition of the Lord.

Don't Throw the Child Away!

2009-09-30T07:20:00.000-07:00

As your children grow you will meet many other children and their families. There will be children that misbehave or seem like a bad influence to your children. You can exercise your right to ween out those children when your kids are younger. Helping them size up peers and choosing close friends wisely is part of our job as parents. But what about the ones you are dismissing? Why are they the way they are. Most children exhibit behaviors as their way of telling you something in their world isn't right.

Don't be so quick to write them off. You may be in an instrumental position to accomplish 2 things. You may have come across a 'divine appointment' to offer light into a little life that is struggling for whatever reason. The second is you are offering opportunity to teach your children to be compassionate and world changers.

Of course, you must protect your children if the situation warrants it, but possibly you are set down in this situation to change this child's life forever.

What if your child is the one who is exhibiting behavior issues that you can't control. The same is true for them. They are trying to tell you something isn't right from their view. It may be how they are interpreting something they have heard or seen. Perhaps something has happened that they don't think they can tell you about. I have been through endless scenarios with my children and their friends. It is absolutely imperative that you immediately get to the root of the behavior. Don't call it a phase and hope it goes away.

Make talking about your feelings a family norm. Practice listening without judgement or punishment. Be a safe sounding board. If will pay off when something happens that they need to talk through. Don't ignore bad behavior, get to the bottom of it. Be willing to accept that maybe it is something you are doing that is being misinterpreted by your child or that you just shouldn't be doing. Seek the counsel of those you trust.

Don't dismiss those who cry out for help by their bad behavior. Don't leave them to be someone elses problem. I can personally vouch for the fact that you can make a difference just be showing you care, even if you never solve the problem yourself.

I love you's, Hugs and Kisses

2009-09-29T12:08:00.000-07:00

Love is more than 'I love yous' and Hugs and kisses. Read through 1 Corinthians chapter 13:4-8. Help your children pick one evidence of love at a time and discover ways to show that kind of love to others. It is good for them to discover how layered and precious God designed love. God is love. It is important that our children focus on love while living in a world that bombards them with images of putting oneself first.

Find ways for your children to give of themselves at a young age. Help them to see the impact that caring for others can bring. As they get older they are more and more desensitized to what goes on around them. Keep them humanity all along the way. The rewards will be eternal.

Howe have you taught your children different aspects of this passage?
We would all love to learn from each other. It takes a village.
Blessings
Brenda

Words that cut or build

2009-09-28T08:10:00.000-07:00

I was watching a movie (FAME)this weekend where a teen set out on a path, strongly believing in his ability to succeed. When his mother found out, she chastized him asking, "Who told you you would be able to succeed at this?" He said, "You did". The actor did an excellent job of portraying someone who was stabbed by his mother's doubts in his ability.

We have to remember that we, as parents, have a more powerful affect on our children then any other force. Especially in the developing years, our children learn trust, love, relationship rules, limits, develop (or don't develop) self confidence, and many, many more lessons.

We have to guard our words carefully. Encourage the talents emerging from your children as they grow. Make your little girls feel like empowered princesses and your sons like they are the kings of the world, but remember that they are human and will have natural limitations as well. It is okay to share with them that they can't do everything well. When they fail, assess if you feel it was from a lack of trying or natural limitations.

Help guide them as they discover who they are and what God has for them. Be sure to temper your responses, when negative. Deliver them in love. A successful format is to just ask the child/teen questions that force them to come the same conclusion that you would have proclaimed without discussion.

I remember when my daughter was in elementary, she wanted to be a singer. Believe me when I say, this was not a practical dream given the singing talent she was not born with. I told her that she should line up 2 or 3 dreams to pursue. As she got older and talent for singing didn't materialize, I finally sat her down and said, "Pick a different dream. God did not gift you for this one." She was upset that I would come right out and say it like that. I wish I had recorded her voice and had her critique herself against others who were blessed with that talent. It would have gone down smoother if she came to that conclusion herself. She thanks me these days for putting things straight back then. Still it would have been nice to have done it a more gentle way.

Watch what you say and how you say it. Our words can build up or cut down. Each morning pray that God will guard your words and your actions. God fills in where we lack. He loves our children more than we do. Trust Him to guide and co-parent with you.

Share your experiences with this in your life or with your kids. We learn from each other.

Blessings
Brenda

Step up

2009-09-25T07:39:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting conversation with a volunteer one day that got me thinking. She was hearing from her children that many of them felt compelled to speak up when subject matter at school was brought up by teachers, that was contrary to scripture. At church we are working hard to train and teach our children what the Word of God says about how to live and what to stand for. The children wanted to know what to do when subjects like evolution were brought up as fact. They stated that they felt a strong urge to argue and defend their creation position. One child even stated that the teacher said they were not aloud to express their contrary opinion. (Which of course is not true)

The real question is just how much do you encourage your child to throw themselves in the mix. I personally believe that with support from parents, children can be empowered to stand for what is right in a respectful way. This can be an opportunity for your children to grow in their faith in a mighty way. Most of us agree that the way the curriculum is presented at most schools is wrong when it comes to the evolution/creation issue. Who knows which stand will tip the scales to allow a fair representation of creation in school. Maybe your child will be the one who is part of that change. Maybe you will. Stand for what is right. Empower your children to stand for the Lord.

MOPS Video: TOOOOOO CUTTTEEEE!

2009-09-24T08:29:00.000-07:00

Check out the new MOPS video made by our own RHCC moms. Great job ladies!

http://www.rollinghillscovenant.com/women

The Pursuit of Empty, Unsatisfying Pleasure; Every Parent's Dream for Their Child?

2009-09-24T07:42:00.000-07:00

Our children are growing up in a high stimulation society. If not careful, they can get caught up in making the pursuit of happiness their goal in life. Now this may not seem bad. What parent doesn't want their child to be happy?

Happiness is different than fun and pleasure. It’s a less intense, but more durable, feeling of well-being. It’s not a continuous state. A good life is usually seasoned with moments of joy and despair, play and work, success and failure. Happiness is a kind of emotional resting place of quiet satisfaction with one’s life.

The art of living a happy life is not having more of what you want but getting better at enjoying what you have.

We must help our children understand that the pursuit of happiness shouldn't be our goal, but it should be to dwell in the presence of the Lord. If we dwell with the Lord, our life will have deep meaningful purpose. This will lead to profound peace and deep indwelling happiness.

Society today is entrenched in immediate satisfaction and thrill. Help you children see the emptiness that only pursuing pleasure without purpose can lead to.

Bless you all.
Brenda

Recover or Repeat

2009-09-23T07:14:00.000-07:00

How healthy was your house growing up? Were you blessed with nurturing relational parents that shared God's love with you and modeled how to parent appropriately? Well then stop reading right now and thank God for them.

However, if you weren't so blessed, you have a choice to make. You can recover from your families past examples or you are destined to repeat it with your kids. It will be hard to break those patterns of dysfunction. If you want to be the transitional generation rest assured it will take God's help and discipline on your part. If you don't, you will see the same dysfunction in your children when they are in relationships with their own family.

I am a transitional generation person. My family is dysfunctional as far back as we can gather data. Alcoholism, abuse, incest, codependency, divorces, incarceration. You name, my past generations are entrenched in it. However, God got a hold on my heart at a tender age and chose to break the pattern.

I have had to work hard to avoid some of the environmental programing I grew up with. However, it is paying off. Most of the dysfunction from my past family is not yet showing up in my kids. It is well worth taking the hit for your kids and doing the hardest work. Your children will be able to grow into healthy adults with families of their own. They will model healthy choices to their children and so on. You, with God by your side, will have changed to course of your family history.

Your legacy will be functional individuals that love the Lord and can relate to important people in their life in healthy ways.

Do the work! Do the work with God! We can help and He can help. Whatever you need to do, do it. Your children are counting on you to not repeat but to recover!

What are some of your battles with breaking through the dysfunctional patterns. Share it with us here in a comment or email me and we can talk it through. It is not to late to join the Confident Parenting class on Tuesday night. Much of this reflection is from the first chapter and last night's group time.

Bless you all for the journey you are on to create a legacy of your own.

Family 101

2009-09-21T07:14:00.000-07:00

Give your kids a sense of family history with these activities.

* Draw a simple family tree. Start with your kids at the bottom and work up and out as far as you can. If it is big enough piece of paper, add pictures of family members as far back as you have them. (You might want to make photo copies of older photos to preserve the originals.)

* If your family has lived somewhere else, point out the locations on a map or globe.

* Tell stories about your extended family. Call, write, or e-mail family members and ask them to share favorite family stories. Write them down and put them in a 3-ring binder. Read these together to give your kids a sense of generations and history.

* Share what games you liked to play when you were a kid and play some with your kids.

* Create a rotating storyline. When I was young my mom's family did something called a "Round Robin". Each family member participating would put a letter of what was going on in their world into an envelope and send it to the next relative. That relative would leave the letter they received and add their own and send it the next. This would continue until the person who sent the first letter got back the packet. That person would remove their old letter and put in a new one. Clearly, this was back in 'snail mail' days, but you get the point. Come up with a systematic way to stay in touch. (Don't forget to include the kids. They can stay in touch with their cousins that way.)

Not all families are warm, fuzzy and safe. Of course, tailor this down to what will work for the family you were blessed with.

Until tomorrow. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:5-9

Learn the Word with Fun!

2009-09-20T09:52:00.001-07:00

I just had the privelege of watching one of our more experienced volunteers tell the story of Shadrach, Meschah and Abednego and the firey furnace. I grinned the whole time. I was locked into what he was saying and doing. He brought the story to life. He acted it out with props and had the children join in. The children were laughing and engaged the entire time.

Afterward, he gave them each a Hot Tamale candy to remind them about the commitment to worship God that S, M and A experienced and gave them a Life Saver candy (gummy - watch out for choiking) to remind them that God saved S, M, and A. Now you know that from now on when they see Hot Tamale candy and Life Saver candy they will remember this story.

Find ways to tie everyday objects to Bible truths. A child's memory is very attached to visual cues. Have them create or act out a story and the drive-it-home truth that is to be learned. Have fun with it. Children learn with play, fun and visual cues.

Use your imagination (or if you don't have one- the internet) to explore God's Word with your children in meaningful and lasting ways.

The time they spend with you in the Word will be treasured for the rest of their life.

Hardworking encouragement

2009-09-17T08:41:00.000-07:00

Make doing a good job a family affair. Post Proverbs 12:14 up somewhere. ("Well-done work has its own reward") Add notes when those in the family do their best, e.g., "Great job with the performance!" "Nice work on your spelling test." Get creative and have fun with it. Share with your kids what kinds of rewards you have received from doing your best in some kind of work.

Don't forget to reward effort and not just outcome. A child may have studied very hard for a test and gotten a "C" in a subject that is challenging for them. Help them not be discouraged by focusing in on how hard they worked and how they tried to do their best.

I have heard of some families that make memorizing scripture a family affair. They write a scripture across the top of the bathroom mirror and challenge and practice with each other to memorize it. Make it fun.

Blessings to you all
Enjoy your kids
Brenda

Parents Take There Kids Back!

2009-09-16T09:10:00.000-07:00

Our Tuesday night Bible Study for families was packed. What a wonderful testimony to a generation of parents that have taken on the charge to raise their children up in the Lord. Making the commitment that Bible Study is more important than all the other extra-curricular options out there.

I hear in the ministry circles out there that this is generation of parents that have turned over responsibility to the church to guide their children in spiritual matters. The truth is our time at church is such a small amount of time with them that it is imperative that parents take that cross back and you are.

All throughout the Bible it talks about children learning about God from their parents not the church. Well I have good news for you. The tide is shifting!

You are among a generation that is changing the attitude of parenting responsibilities. You are taking back your God given duty and taking raising your children to be Spiritual Champions seriously. If you always have been that parent, then you are a shining model for others to follow. Talk to other parents and encourage them.

I am proud to be part of a church of parents who are strong and willing to do the day in and out job of disciplining their children. Your children will be able to withstand the storm that is brewing. They WILL have to face what comes. We can't protect them from it, but we can prepare them for it.

It is our honor to be part of your Children's Ministry. Anything we can do to help you, please don't hesitate to ask.

I am proud of all of you. You will fall short from time to time. Do not despair. God has already adjusted for where we lack. Surrender and live in faith. God is in control and He is a very Big God.

Switch "No's" to "Yes"

2009-09-14T10:39:00.001-07:00

It is easy to find oneself saying, "No!" to nearly everything a toddler and an older child does. But rather than fall into a "no" pattern that makes little sense to your child and creates constant irritation for you, take some time to determine what your essential house rules should be. It may help to write them down and discuss them with other family members so that everyone can help your child understand what rules apply around the house.

*Physical safety issues (staying in the yard) and family routines (bedtimes) need a few basic rules. For instance, "We play in the yard." "We keep the gate closed." "We are going to take a nap now. It's nap time."

* When you state a rule to your child, do your best to state it positively.(Children often don't hear the "don't" part of a rule and instead act on what they did hear, thus doing just what you said not to do!) help a child understand why, even at this age. (It's good practice for later years when your child will ask, "Why?" constantly!) For example, rather than, "Don't touch the cord!" try, "The cord stays in the wall. It can hurt your hand if you touch it.

*Toddlers will test you. This does not mean you need to change the house rules. A child needs to know that you and your rules are a sure thing. A child gains comfort and security in knowing what you expect and what comes next. Rules help a child make sense of his or her world.

Be consistent and keep it simple.

Excerpts from Smart pages: Gospel light

Hardwork is hardly hard if you work it out.

2009-09-14T07:43:00.000-07:00

Our children have to be encouraged to be hard workers. Encourage them to do their best and not give up when things get tough.

For little ones, help them learn to use their words instead of misbehavior to tell you when a job is too hard so you can help them make it easier. Find ways to make it fun like; singing while the work, racing, or moving like a robot, etc.

For older ones, have them think through what part of their homework is too hard. Arrange for review or backing up and filling in the holes. Have them be sure to get more information about the assignment ahead of time. You may need to work out a communication system between you and your child's teachers. Note pads or planners are really good for this. Allow them to take 5 minute breaks. Put them in an area with fewer distractions, turn off the TV, etc.

When it comes to chores, they may just not want to do it. Find out why. Maybe you want them to clean their room during the only show they look forward to each week, maybe they are lazy or feel entitled to not have to do it. Find the source of their reluctance and start to deal with that first.

If it is laziness or entitlement share scripture with them and ask them, "What if mom decided she didn't want to make dinner or pack you a lunch?" "How would that be?" Help them to think beyond themselves to how they affect the bigger picture and how their contribution helps others. (Proverbs 10:4, 13:4, 20:4) Be sure to share with them positive things about how their accomplished chore is appreciated and why.

If it is a timing thing, discuss a possible compromise or at least an explaination as to why it has to happen at that time. Children need to learn that sacrifice is part of life, but if the time is not locked consider working something out.

Mostly, don't get discouraged. It takes a long time to train a child to be a hardworker. Commit this to the Lord and push forward. Ultimately, it is God who is in control of your child's path, not you. You are His tool, so just be prayerful and faithfully available.

Drive the lesson Home

2009-09-13T08:20:00.000-07:00

Hi to all our great parents,

I just want to take a moment to remind you all that we have follow up activities for you to do at home to reinforce the weekend lessons. I have provided the link below for you to access it. Children learn more when they are exposed to the same concept over and over. Reinforce it throughout the week to drive the lesson into thier long term memory.

http://www.rollinghillscovenant.com/images/stories/documents/WL%20Sept%2009.pdf

Here is a funny lady that seems to understand the average day of a mom. Sit back and prepare to chuckle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXgoJ0f5EsQ

Enjoy this Lord's day with your family. Cherish the moments you have with them before they are gone.
Blessings

Brenda

2009-09-11T08:05:00.001-07:00

To all of us was given gifts by God. We were assigned a measure of faith: Romans 12:3; and spiritual gifts: Romans 12:6-8.

God has set us up to be able to teach and train our children according to His will. We start out unable to do it alone. We need Him and each other. Find your village to raise your children. Surround yourself with good people and a good church. God will raise your child according to His plan and despite you not being "super parent" .

Rest in His ability to fill in where you lack. Depending on and needing Him is where amazing things happen.

However, He does command we carry out Romans 12:9-19. Look it up. Live it, teach it to your kids. These are clearly expected of all of us despite our gifts..

It takes a village to raise a child. Let RHCC be part of your village. I am very excited about Tuesday nights at church. Check it out. We want to partner with you to help you raise a Godly child.

Blessing

Brenda

Working Hard or Hardly Working

2009-09-09T07:40:00.001-07:00

No I'm definitely not talking about the parents. Working hard is never hardly working with us. I am talking about your children. Now that they are heading back to school we enter the wonderful world of juggling chores and homework. UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH! Wouldn't it be great if kids came wired to work hard and stick with something until it was finished. Here are some helpful tips from the people at Gospel Light publications.

* Break the task down into little bites. For example, when loading the dishwasher, divide the task into glasses, bowls, plates, silverware, etc. Teach your child to complete a small task and then say to himself/herself, "What's next?"

* Schedule breaks. Decide upfront at what points in the project you'll take 5 minute breaks. Use a timer. Just knowing that a break is coming can keep you working.

*Lighten the load by having someone join you in the task. It can make the project manageable and even fun. Make a game or contest out of it. Only play a favorite CD during unpleasant tasks to lighten the air.

*When the task is done, say, "Doesn't it feel good to complete a job?" Remind them next time how good if felt to finish the last job.

I know that there is a school of thought out there that goes the sticker chart route when trying to encourage self direction. Just a small warning: if you are giving rewards for accomplishing tasks (So many stickers gets you a treat, etc.), you will lose the progress when you stop the process. Instead, I would recommend focusing on internal reward. Help them feel good about themselves for their accomplishment. Remind them that God is pleased with them and that we should do our best to glorify Him. If they are only doing something to get something they will always need to be rewarded or they will quit.

I know those of you reading this have had many experiences with success and failure in this area. Share some of those with us so we can learn from each other. If you don't want to share in an open forum like this, feel free to email it to me and I will share your thoughts without identifying you.

Colossians 3:23 "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."

Blessings
Brenda

Free downloads

2009-09-08T09:37:00.000-07:00

This is a great site for getting free materials to use in teaching your children about Biblical principals. Enjoy! Click on the link at the bottom right of this web page or click on the link listed here.

http://www.rose-publishing.com/client/client_pages/premiums/generic_landing.cfm

Make your own recipe

2009-09-08T08:43:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have taken to creating my own recipes in the kitchen. You still have to follow basic rules, like you can add different ingredient to a chicken dish, but you still have to cook the meat through. Children are suppose to turn out with different 'flavors' or personalities. They may be human, and were raised by the same person, and have had the same Godly principals delivered to them, but everything else should be unique to who they are and who God has for them to become. There is no "one size fits all" formula.

Have you noticed that some strategies work on one child but not the other? It is okay to have a different response to different children. God made them unique. God does this with us. We may be sitting in the same sermon with 100's of people, but each will receive what they needed from the Lord. Sometimes it will be encouragement, sometimes reprimand, other times it might be enlightenment. God takes who we are and where we are in our development into consideration when He interacts with us. We need to do the same for our kids.

It is okay to have different approaches and consequences for different kids in the same house. Equity is not a requirement. Your children will complain if they see a different consequence to a sibling for the same offense. Hold your ground and do what is best for that child. I would send one child to their room for something, because it was torturous for him not to be in the middle of action. If I did that to one of my other sons he would love it. He loved being by himself in his room. I had to discover what he really valued and remove that. As a side note: what works today may not work later. Kids change. Change your tactics with them.

Talk to other parents, surround yourself with support and keep learning. God is ultimately in control and is raising those children through you. Do your best and God will take care of the rest.

Bless you for being willing to take the journey.
Brenda

Forgiving can be a 4 letter word

2009-09-03T07:20:00.000-07:00

How many of you know that when you make your child say sorry to someone after an offense, that they are actually thinking is "I'm NOT sorry!". Kids will say what they are made to say, but a heart of true forgiveness is a journey.

Forgiveness is a tough concept for even adults to handle, much less kids. However, as parents it is imperative that we do what we can to consistently share core virtues and values with our kids.

It is okay to have your real young ones say the words after they have wronged someone. However, it is important to intentionally teach them when you aren't in the heat of a moment. Use stuffed animals or dolls to have a fight. One says, "I'm sorry", and the other says, "I forgive you". Hand off the dolls to the child and have them reenact it. Of course, you can continuously share how God feels about forgiveness, love and compassion with them. (Mark 11:25-26; Colossians 3:13; Matthew 6:14-15 and many, many more)

As kids get older it is important to teach them understanding and compassion. Help them reflect on what has happened that needs forgiveness. If someone has wronged them that they need to forgive, help them to imagine what is happening in the other person's life. Now granted, sometimes it is just sin rearing its ugly head, but sometimes people act up because of trials and difficulties in their life. Help the child to try and think beyond themselves. Model this as well. For example: If someone is speeding and cuts you off, instead of getting angry at them, talk to your kids in the car about how that person may have just learned of a loved one at the hospital and isn't thinking clearly. They may come home angry about a bully at school. Share with them that perhaps something upsetting is happening at home that he doesn't know how to deal with. We must teach children to think of others with compassion. Lead your child in prayer for the one that has wronged them.

You can also help them act out stories or use paper cut outs to talk through great forgiveness stories in the Bible like Genesis 37-50(Joseph), and Luke 15:11-32(Prodical son).

Get them involved in community and missionary projects. This furthers their understanding of compassion and thinking of others over themselves.

Remind them that not forgiving is a sin. Ask them how they feel when someone does or doesn't forgive them. Remind them that God has forgiven them for so much. Remind them that an unforgiving heart grows angry.(Prov 10:12)

Sometimes, we are wronged by others who aren't sorry and don't care if you forgive them. In these cases it is time to teach our children that God is in control of all circumstances. They did what they could and have to leave the rest in His hands.

Wow, no wonder this is a tough lesson. There are so many facets to it. However, God is parenting with you. Pray during situations that He will guide you as you guide your kids. He has their development planned out. We are only called on to get in there and do it.

By the way, I forgive you if you don't comment on this blog. :) JK

Brenda

Anger identifies a problem

2009-09-01T07:46:00.001-07:00

This came in this morning to my email and I thought it was well worth sharing. You can sign up to receive these parenting tips to your email by going to: www.biblicalparenting.org

Use Anger to Spark Creativity

We say, "Anger is good for identifying problems but not good for solving them." Once you become aware of a problem, look for a more creative and productive way to solve it. When parents choose to reflect only anger, they limit themselves dramatically. Families benefit when they experiment with other emotional options as well.

Marilyn surprised her eight-year-old son after he put his feet on the table during dinner. She felt angry, but she chose to respond differently. "Do you know what the Bible says about beautiful feet?" she asked in a playful tone.

Expecting a harsh response the boy was shocked by his mother's question and curious about the answer. "No," he replied with question in his voice.

"The Bible says, 'Beautiful are the feet of them who bring good news.' Now I have some good news for you. Dessert is only served to those whose feet are under the table." Marilyn made her point and she didn't have to use anger to do it. During dessert, several minutes after the previous incident, she made a passing request, "Please don’t put your feet on this table."

Her son responded, "Okay."

This mom avoided what could have been an ugly scene by exercising some restraint on her anger and responding in a wise way. By stopping each time you feel angry and evaluating the situation, you can use anger to point out problems and then choose another strategy for your response.

This parenting tip comes from our book, Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids.
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One of the hardest things we can do as a parent is to not respond in anger. This only puts the child on the defense. Once in defensive mode no learning happens except how to be better at being defensive.

The part of this tip that makes me chuckle is the part where the child is suprised by the parent's response. Don't think for one moment your sweet little child is not capable of doing something just to get a rise out of you. There is a great deal of wisdom in not being predictable. Keeping relocating your buttons. It makes it harder for them to push them.

By the way, if you have a problem with anger, get help. It is one of the most destructive emotions for you and your children. Seek counseling or join Celebrate Recovery. Yes, Celebrate Recovery is for all problems that have a hold on you, not just addictions. There are currently some people in the RHCC Celebrate Recovery that are only there to work out their anger issues. They will understand where you are and where you need to be.

Melt away the meltdown

2009-08-31T06:02:00.000-07:00

I just experienced the privilege of seeing a caring mom in action. Her child was being asked to do a routine thing that was overwhelming him. She knew his normal reaction to things and this was not normal. (Meltdown) With much prodding by others she started to force him through the situation. (Meltdown cont.) Within minutes she put an end to the pain and just was present and comfort for her child.

Don't you just have days where you can't deal with everyday things? So do children. Add a busy weekend of a child being drug around through lots of events and outings and you have a recipe for meltdown.

It isn't that our little ones can't handle a change in their routine. Shaking it up once in awhile is good for them. They need to learn to roll with things. However, it is important to remember that they have their limits. Be sensitive to when they have reached it. That is when the day becomes about them and not what is left to do.

The sensitivity, intuitiveness, and compassion you show your child when they can't cope on their own will make a huge impact on them. It is well worth missing whatever next thing is on the agenda to tend to what they really need. (You)

It might be good to mention here that it is possible to expect to much out of your child. We are so eager to give them every advantage that we overbook them and ourselves. Choose to do less and spend more time doing things at home. Decide as a Christian parent what priorities of your time you want to teach your kids. You have to model this message. You can't say they can't do a ton of things but you stay extremely busy. Weekend church and mid week Bible study/small group should be the top message. (God 1st)Most nights home with the family, message 2, (Family 2nd) pursuing passions/interests, message 3. (self/others 3rd) Balance your message. Put the message in the right order of importance.

Time flies so fast. Cherish your time as a family as much as you can.

Get Connected

2009-08-27T12:40:00.000-07:00

Check out our improved webpage. Go to http://www.rollinghillscovenant.com/children to see all the new features. There is a color-coded room map to help people find classes for children, a preview of the coming parent E-newsletter, schedules and dates for Mom's day out, Parent's night out, and Club 56. The weekend lessons for September are available along with ideas that you can do with your children at home to reinforce them. There is even a simple format to follow for leading a child to Christ. This format can even be used by a child who wants to lead another child to the Lord.

It is our prayer that you will have all the opportunities and tools to be supported as you raise them up to be strong, mature children of God.

Please browse through our webpage and send me comments or emails on other features you would like to see or any problems you find. This is your ministry and your webpage. We want to make it as user friendly and informative as possible. We are here to serve you and your children.

Do you feel connected to other parents? Let us know what other opportunities you would like to see available. (Coffee break devotion time, fitness fellowship, etc)You can comment here or email me at bherrera@rhcc.net.

I look forward to hearing from you.
Brenda

Express Empathy

2009-08-26T07:51:00.000-07:00

One of the ways to help children learn from life is to become their counselor or coach. Life is a great teacher and when it dishes out its lessons, you, as a parent, have a great opportunity to support, encourage, and coach your child to learn from the experience.

The key is to express empathy and validate the pain or disappointment your child is experiencing. Then, you can gently move into a suggestion mode if needed. For example, when the cat scratches your four-year-old son who is playing rough, don't just launch into a lecture. Instead say something like, "Ouch, I'll bet that hurt. It looks like he doesn't like rough play does he?"

Or when your eight-year-old daughter is hungry before dinner because she refused to eat lunch you might say, "I'll bet you're hungry. That's a long time to go without food."

If you leave out the empathy and just move into a lecture mode, children may react poorly. They may view your approach as condescending or cold and respond with defensiveness, anger, or hostility. Empathy communicates love; while at the same time allows the child to accept responsibility for the problem.

Empathy is a primary ingredient for partnership. Empathy reveals understanding and care. Empathy validates the emotions a child is experiencing even though the actions that come out of those emotions may need correction. Demonstrating your love while your child learns from experience can be one of the best ways to teach children lasting lessons about life.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is nothing. Letting our children learn for themselves is a painfull thing to watch. We want to protect them from everything. I can remember some of my most valuable lessons being the most painful. Do your own memory search. Do you think you were willing to learn that lesson from advise or lecture or was the process and the pain necessary for you to grow and change? I think both can be true, but God is the orchestrator. We are just 1st string.

This parenting tip comes from the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
With final comments by Brenda Herrera

Connect your kids to God's Word

2009-08-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

I have been listening to the audiobook of "Revolutionary Parenting" by George Barna. The entire source for data in this book was from interviews with parents of children who grew to be adult spiritual champions. There is much in this book to draw from. We all want our children to grow up to be adults that love the Lord and contribute to His kingdom in meaningful ways.

One of the topics explored was on Bible time between parents and kids throughout the week while they were growing up. What did the parents in this book reveal about their Bible study regiment with their kids?

They didn't have one! Many of them initially tried to follow Bible studies and daily devotions with little success. However, they intentionally found opportunities to take the events within the week and seek what God's Word had to say about it. This didn't happen every day, but the meaningful connection of life with the living, breathing Word of God had a profound affect on their children. Their children learned that it wasn't something to just do each day, but a interactive tool to use while seeking God in life events.

Seeking God daily in prayer and personal Bible study should still be the encouragement that is conveyed by parents to their children. Having them see you model this in your own quiet time is invaluable. Release yourself of the stress of not getting them to participate in a daily family devotion time. Instead seek out opportunities to go to the Word for wisdom when events and topics come up.

Children's Ministries has the weekend lessons posted on our webpage for all our classes on the weekend. Review these and look for opportunities to reinforce those lessons throughout the week. The more your child hears the same lessons applied in life the more it will be entrenched in their hearts. We offer suggestions on how to enrich and expand their lessons at home.

In addition, there will be take home activities for your kids that attend our Children's Bible Study night (LINKED) on Tuesday nights. Our 1st-6th graders will receive enrichment activities that they can do on their own or with your help. All these are tools to choose from. It is most important to simply pray for opportunities and allow the Lord to guide you as you guide your children to become Spiritual Champions.

Blessings to you all

Brenda

Down time

2009-08-21T08:08:00.000-07:00

Today is my day off. My children are all grown, so now a day off is actually possible. It is near impossible to have a day off when they are little much less a few minutes off. As a single mom most of their growing years, God brought along the occasional loving person that would let me relax for a bit. The thing I remember the most was the mental release in those precious few times. Spending every waking minute thinking about and anticipating the path of little ones, where everyone is, what they are experiencing, who will influence them is mentally and physically exhausting. When we leave the house, we have to anticipate their needs and then proceed to pack the house to prepare for their needs.

You have to find ways to rest your body and mind. You will be a better parent. Form a co-op with other parents to take turns watching each others kids for free. (Side note: Be sure you know alot about someone you are leaving your kids with. There are alot of bad people out there pretending to be normal.) The church has opportunities for groups of parents to come together and usually they offer childcare.

You may be thinking, I have no one to help me, I can't get away. That is okay. I survived many years of that. There are still ways to steal downtime. Get up a bit early and have some quiet time with your Bible, God and really good cup of coffee or tea. After they go to bed, find an interest besides parenting to talk about on an online chat room or read a book. Take a long soothing bath with quiet music. Workout to a video in the livingroom. Anything to allow you to escape. You have to take care of yourself, because your children are not programed to give as much as they take.

God will sustain and restore you:
Psalm 62:1 "My soul finds rest in God alone"
Psalm 91:1 "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty."

If you are in a position to offer that release for a parent, do it. You will strengthen them as a family by allowing that parent to get some time to themselves.

My prayer is you will have some time to yourself in the next few days.
Blessings
Brenda

You will mess up

2009-08-20T06:36:00.000-07:00

There comes a time in every parent's life when they mess up. (Now if you don't think you ever mess up, might I suggest you read my blog from 7/27 about being honest) I imagine most of us try really hard to be a good parent, but we are sinners too. We get overtired or overwhelmed, we get selfish, we get needy, we lose our temper. It is important to realize that God has already factored in your humanness. He does call us to do our best and if we are following the perfect will of God these sinful moments will be far fewer, but they will happen.

So there you are; you have wronged your child in some way. (Broken a promise of quality time, snapped at them in an ungracious way, ignored them, put your wants above their needs) Now what? You are their role model. Are they damaged for life? Have you managed to emotionally scar them so that you are what they blame all their future failings on? No. God causes all things for work together for good. He will mold your child into who He wants them to become.

Now that doesn't mean you are not responsible for your actions or lack there of. Use these opportunities to model repentance. Tell them what you believe you did wrong, ask them to forgive you and ask God to forgive you in their presence. It is important for them to see the healing power of God and the grace of forgiveness in action.

However, if you are trapped in a destructive pattern and are messing up the same way over and over, it may be time to get someone involved that can help you figure it out. The church is a good source for this. Many people on staff can work through issues with you. You can cause emotional and psychological damage to your child if you live trapped in a repetitive pattern of sin.

God is ultimately in control and loves you and your children more than even you do. He has their path already laid out and will help you raise them, sin and all.

Seek God, do your best, get help when you need it, and let go of your failures.
Bless you all
Brenda

Let your children fail.

2009-08-19T07:03:00.000-07:00

When your child succeeds at something, do you feel a personal sense of accomplishment and pride? When your child does something wrong, do you feel like the whole world is pointing at you and saying 'bad mom' or 'bad dad'? You would be the exception if you didn't.

I remember the countless times I ran back home to get the left books, homework, lunch or whatever. The science projects that I helped with that were brought up the night before they were due (stop laughing: you know it is true, or you will if you haven't reached that point yet). I didn't want my child to be the only one without a project or a lame project. We want our children to take school, success and being responsible for themselves seriously. Well take it from someone who took way to long to figure this out. You are not helping when you help so much. Let your children fail sometimes.

Help them to be organized. Teach them the importance of being prepared. Set them up in everyway to succeed, then let them fail. It is the fastest way for them to learn a lesson. If they forget their book and have a consequence at school, or work on an assignment that they didn't bother to put back in the backpack and now it is late and worth less, they will feel it. It should be thier problem, not yours.

If you keep bailing them out they will need you to clean up their messes for the rest of their lives. They will develop that annoying sense of entitlement and laziness our teens these days are so known for. They must learn to own the problem.

If you think someone will think badly of you for not running to their aide everytime, so what. If you feel the imaginary glares of people judging you, it is mostly in your head. They aren't the ones who are personally responsible for helping that person become a mature, responsible adult. If they do have an opinion, again I say, who cares. Do what you know is right. It isn't about what people think of you, it is about the responsiblity that God has given you. He is the only accountablily you need.

Be sure to start early with this though. This lesson learned later can be much more costly and a difficult pattern for all of you to break.

Does anyone else have some experience with this? Join in on the conversation. This is a forum to share, not just a platform for me to pontificate.

Trustworthiness

2009-08-18T07:45:00.000-07:00

Help your child learn the value of being a honorable person that can be trusted. While your children are little, be sure to say things like, "Don't say it if you don't mean to do it"; "You said you would do it so now you have to follow through". Read them Matt 5:37 "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one."

Try this with your child to help give them a visual on trust. Get 3 blocks. Set a block on the table as you mention something trustworthy your child did like; put away their toys when they said they would, or turned off the TV after the show was over like they said they would. Then set another block next to it and say, "This is for watching your little sister like you promised, or taking out the trash when you promised." Take the 3rd block and set it on the foundation. Tell them, Since you've shown yourself to be trustworthy, I can trust you to ( Something they have been wanting to be trusted with) (Example: Make their own bedtime on Friday night. )"Because of the foundation of trust you laid I believe I can trust you to make good choices."

Now take away one of the foundation blocks so the top one falls. Tell them, "When you break that trust, it is very hard to trust you again." Try to put the third block back up by setting it on the edge of the remaining block so that it keeps falling down. "When you keep your promises, you are being honest and people believe you will do it again.

In the future, as they wrestle with the challenges of being trustworthy you can refer back to this visual to help them realize what they have done.

I have had many battles with my kids to honor their word over the years . When they lie or violate clear boundaries, they know that far worse than my punishment was my loss of trust in them. They would have to earn it back, losing privileges until they regained my trust. It was brutal on all of us but an extremely important battle to fight and win.

You can do it. Don't back down. Stand your ground and fight the good fight. Their integrity will be your reward.

This object lesson came from Gospel Light newsletters on Raising up Spiritual Champions.

God's presence in your child's life

2009-08-17T08:05:00.000-07:00

This weekend I was at a gathering of people who were coming together to share the loss of the young man I told you about that died. What amazed me was the sheer number of people there. He had a huge family and dozens of friends that loved him and remembered good times, laughs and challenges that they had all experienced with him. We wished he had known how loved he was. If we had he may have not taken his life.

It is important that our children understand that God is always with them and around them. When they perceive that people have failed them (and they will from time to time), God is still there as an ally. Read them Psalm 139. Ask them open-ended questions that don't end in yes or no. Give them a chance to realize that nothing is hidden from God. He knows their thoughts and everything they do. He loves them more than you do and he wants what is best for them. Spend a good week or two just hanging out in this Psalm with them. Help them deeply internalize their value to God and how He is unchanging. This Psalm will always be true.

No matter if your child is socially comfortable or an introvert, it is imperative that they deeply sense God's commitment to them and His undying, unchanging love for them. This will get them through all that life throws at them.

Growing up, I was extremely shy, gawky looking and the target of much bullying. God's presence in my life got me through the darkest of times. There were times I was convinced that not another person on the planet cared for me, but knowing that God did made me slide deeper into a profound relationship with Him. We can't protect our children from all the experiences that lie ahead. The truths in this Psalm, if internalized, can get them through it all.

If you have little ones, make God's love and thoughts about them your matra. They should hear it out of your mouth as often as possible. As they do things, let them know that God already knew they were going to do it. If they behave badly, tell them God knows and wants to help them do better. Study this Psalm yourself and find ways each day to put it in terms your little one can understand.

My prayer goes out that all of you will succeed in helping your children grasp this wonderful truth. May the Holy Spirit guide your words and their hearts.
Blessings to you all
Brenda

Promises - Trustworthiness

2009-08-13T08:03:00.000-07:00

2 Samuel 7:28 "You are God! Your words are trustworthy" We know that we can count on everything the God says to be truth. He is trustworthy. His yes is yes and His no is no. How about you? As your child's primary teacher, what are they learning from you about keeping your word. Sometimes you may be tempted to promise something just to pacify your child for the moment, but if you don't follow through with what you have promised, you are teaching your child that you don't have to mean what you say. Be careful what you promise or threaten. You should be prepared to do it. The hardest thing I ever did was follow through on a promise/consequence that I had told my oldest son. He had a particularly bad year in school. He was goofing off and not applying himself. I told him that the family was going to go to a Las Vegas resort right after school got out and that he would not be able to go if his teachers didn't report improvement in his attitude and grades. Sure enough with tears streaming I drove away with my other kids and left him with his Dad. I wanted all of them with me. We had only taken a few vacations since the divorce and I really wanted some great memory making that summer. I remember meeting with his dad before I made my final decision. He said, "you have to do it. He earned and you have to follow through with what you said". (You would have to know him to understand how ironic this moment was for me) But, he was right. It wasn't about the performance in school anymore, it was about being true to my word. Think before you lay down a consequence. Be prepared to enforce it. If you promise to go to a game, go! Now things happen beyond our control and children need to learn that also. If you don't make it to the afore mentioned game because the car broke or whatever, use this as a teachable moment. Children need to learn that not everything is within our control and that God is ultimately in control. All things work together for good, even missed games. Live with integrity, be trustworthy, be ready for teachable moments. WHAT A RIDE! PARENTING!

He will get you through

2009-08-12T07:07:00.000-07:00

My heart is heavy this morning with the sad news of the death of one of my children's friends. He died early this morning of an intentional drug overdose. As I sit looking at my 20 year old crying daughter, who is only 2 weeks younger then him, I am thankful for who she is and how strong she has become. Never believe the statistics. They say that as soon as you're a single mom your kids are basically going to fall apart in every way. Bologna! God eats statistics for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He is every scientist's worse nightmare. The truth is your task is now going to be harder. It will be a bigger mountain to climb, and at times you will believe you can't possibly make it, but you can and you will! Keep your children in church every week and bible study with their peers, pray over them and with them, talk to them, and listen - listen - listen! You have to be a safe sounding board. I can't stress it enough. My kids have brought some serious issues to me over the years. My initial internal response would be "OH MY GOODNESS!!" but on the outside I keep calm and listen and answer questions. You won't do everything right. I promise, but God will fill in where you lack. He is faithful to the fervent prayer of His people. He will get you and them through.

Be still and know that I am God

2009-08-11T07:52:00.000-07:00

Hello fellow journeyers,
In the blog yesterday I was talking about how important it is that we expose our children to prayer and allow them to wrestle with life and emotions with God. I shared part of my blog with my Facebook clan. The chairman of our church commented on what I said and I feel it warrants sharing. He said "it is also good to be still and just listen". Isn't that so true. Being still is a lost art form. Our children today feel that they need to be constantly stimulated by noise and activity. It is so challenging to help them just sit, linger, and listen when talking with God. To many it seems a task to check off a list instead of a meaningful exchange with the Almighty. We miss out on the exchange part when we don't linger. Take the time to schedule some quiet thinking time each day with your children. Help them learn to be still. If you don't, you could be robbing them of the opportunity to grow in deep and profound ways with God. You will more then likely meet with resistance, but persevere! Does anyone already do this? If so, share what you do in your family. We can all learn from each other. A few minutes of your time could have a meaningful impact on another parent.

Children and prayer

2009-08-10T07:56:00.000-07:00

Teaching children to pray should become a natural extension of them watching you in prayer. Modeling prayer for children is one of the greatest ways to do it. They see you turn to the Lord with every praise and concern, and just genuinely want to be in His presence. This has a profound impact on them. Let's face it, kids are literal creatures. They want to know who you're talking to and where they are. Why can't they hear Him answer? What helps them accept what they can't see is your devotion to God and prayer. You are their first and best teacher. If they come to you with a problem tell them that we should ask God for guidance first and then we will talk it through. They need to start understanding that God is the power source and prayer is like plugging into the power first. You can't run a computer to get an answer if you don't first access a power source. Teaching them when they are real young to pray using a memorized prayer is okay to get a habit formed, but it is imperative early on that they talk to God about how they feel and questions they have. They need to say thank you when they have good things happen so they understand that God is intimately involved in all things. Share some of the traditions in teaching prayer to your kids that you have used. They can be funny moments in prayer with your children or just a meaningful experience. You may have hit some obstacles that you need to work through with the great parents on this blog.

A Much Earned Break

2009-08-03T09:16:00.000-07:00

Some of you are experiencing an empty house this week. You have sent all your kids off to camp. What do you do with yourself now?! I found the first time I was alone, void of children, I didn't know what to do with myself. Might I suggest a few things. Make a plan to meet up with a few friends, read what you can of a book. If you are married, go out on a few dates, stare at the clean kitchen and take deep cleansing breaths. (Enjoy- after all they are back on Friday) Do nothing, do something! Maybe take a bit of time to think through how you can help your child come down from a mountain top experience and hold on to it as long as possible. Ask open-ended questions when they return like: "What bible verse do you remember from chapel"; "Did you experience something knew you never felt before?"; "How do you want to take what you experienced and use it this week?"; "Did you see anyone behave in a way that surprised you?" (Make this a teachable moment to process what they saw or heard) Children will tend to give you simple answers like fine and good when you ask how something was. If you ask more detailed and specific questions you will challenge them to process things on a more detailed level. I realize that most of you only had some of your children leave for camp, so not much is different. You are still the go-to person running around like crazy. I remember being there. The time alone with your returning campers will still bear fruit. Can anyone remember a camp experience as a child or adult that changed some part of them forever? Share your experiences.

Feelings

2009-08-03T08:53:00.000-07:00

Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Kid's feelings are very real to them. Instead of saying, "Don't feel that way," or "You're alright", Let them know that you are a safe person who is genuinely concerned about how they feel. What may seem trivial or an over reaction to us may feel very large and real to them. To demean their big feelings is to make them assume they cannot trust you as a safe person or that they most be wrong about feelings they have. Neither is a healthy option. Give your child an opportunity to safely express anger, disappointment, sadness, frustration or any other feeling. Set boundaries. Disrespect, even when upset, is unacceptable. Younger kids need help labeling what they are experiencing inside. Tell them, "It seems to me like that made you very angry (or ....)." As you allow them to talk about what they feel and help them put words to it, they will be more open to you throughout the challenges they are sure to face. People who have an open, honest character tend to have closer relationships and are happier overall. They share with people they trust and are able to work through difficulties. You have a tremendous influence in developing this trait in your kids. Help them develop an openness they can carry throughout life. Home should be a safe haven from teasing, criticizing or being made fun of. Share some rules that you have enforced in your home to combat the normal tendency for siblings verbal and sometimes physically abuse to each other.

2009-08-01T07:20:00.001-07:00

Isn't tecnology great. I'm sitting on a boat in the middle of Big Bear lake watching my daughter fish and writing a blog to you. Sadly, all my grown kids couldn't come. Gone are the days of packing the house for every excursion. Vacations are alot of work but making memories is worth it. Share some of your adventures, questions or comments about adventures your family has experienced, fell free. This is your site.

Teachable moments

2009-07-29T07:39:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love teachable moments. Those are those moments in time when you have an opportunity to teach your child something on the spot because of circumstances that arises. I love captive moments as well. All the time in the car as we are driving that a child can't escape (um, I mean benefits from your wisdom). When we wait for something to go wrong to discuss an issue, we miss out on the valuable bonding and caring time we can have with our kids. When in trouble, children put up defenses and listen little to what we say. God gets in on this as well. He loves to work together with you to drive home training. I remember one time I was having a disagreement with my 7 year old. He was convinced that he did not need to put on his seat belt just to go down the street to the 7-11. I reported to him that statistically more accidents happen within 10 blocks of our home then elsewhere. He wasn't impressed. Needless to say, I was sitting outside the 7-11 refusing to move until he put on his seat belt. My car was packed with kids who were most eager to leave. I cared not. I settled in until I heard the click. Don't you know that within one block (7-11 was only 2 blocks from our house) we got into an accident. No one was hurt and thank goodness the other driver had insurance) I can still see my son's face. It was priceless. God had arranged an object lesson for him. Never did we have a problem buckling after that. Don't forget that just because your conversation is with one child that all of them aren't listening. Tell about a teachable or captive moment that you have experienced.

Time to talk

2009-07-28T07:32:00.000-07:00

Develop a habit in your home of talking about issues, feelings, and thoughts. It is never too early to start asking your children questions like: "Why do you think that is?", or "How do you feel about what just happened?" Train them early that you are a safe person for them to share their disappointments, anger and confusion with. Try very, very hard not to react when you hear something you want to correct. This is not the time for that! Save it for later. Talk time has to be a safe time with no fear of reprisal. If you develop this early your children will be more likely to come to you about something serious that you need to help them through. As they get older, bring up the more delicate subjects like sex, drugs and the like. They may not know these are safe topics until you give the green light. Again, it is very important that you check your body language and responses. Stay as calm as possible when you hear something that scares or shocks you. Children are more able to deal with issues then most people realize. If you have not developed this habit and your kids are older try this: Each night after they get into bed tell them they can ask any 2 questions they want. This is especially helpful if they are going through a especially difficult situation. Be as honest as is appropriate for their age. As they work through what they need to talk to eventually this will filter down to silly questions. But you will have established yourself as a safe person to talk to. Proverbs 15:23 says "A man has joy by the answer of his mouth and a word spoken in due season, how good it is." A safe talking zone is very valuable and should be started immediately. Share your challenges or successes with this.

2009-07-27T14:06:00.001-07:00

Did you know by age 13 a child's spiritual and moral foundation is pretty much set. Never has the fight for your child's soul been so great. How can RHCC Children's Ministry help?

Be Truthful

2009-07-27T09:08:00.000-07:00

Zechariah 8:16 "Speak the truth to each other." How do we teach our children to be honest? We must model it first and formost. If you were given to much change at a store, give it back and make it a teachable moment. When you want to take a day off, don't call in sick if you aren't. They are watching, and confusion from your inconsistent behavior leads to compromise and a indifferent attitude to absolutes in your children. Of course your children must also learn to withhold information for reasons of personal safety (i.e. phone number and details about themselves on the internet etc.). Make use of every teachable moment.
Share a teachable moment where your kids caught you in a lie or caught you telling the truth. What happened? Together we can share and grow.

The Maiden Voyage of this Blog

2009-07-27T08:35:00.000-07:00

This is the maiden voyage of this blog. The whole purpose of this blog is to give the parents of Rolling Hills Covenant Church an avenue for discussion about the ups and downs of raising spiritual children in a crazy world. I only wish it to be a launching point for support and encouragement to one another. Please join in on the conversation as we dive into the challenges we face as parents.